Sorry for the wall of text! This had a lot of background information!
For background context: my husband (34M) and I (29F) met when I was 15 and he was 19/20 online. We lived in states about 2,000 miles away from each other. Our relationship started as friends who communicated that we had feelings for eachother immediately, despite the age difference, but we didn’t begin our actual relationship until I was 20 and he was 24/25.
From the beginning of our relationship, he had always been controlling; we were long distance and therefore we talked on the phone/Skype. He expected me to call him on my way to work, during my lunch hour and on the way home from work. Then I spent 1.5-2 hours with my family, but had to be on skype to talk to him for another 3 hours before bed. If I didn’t do ONE of these things, he would get upset. He started dictating who I could/couldn’t be friends with. I wasn’t allowed to have guy friends because they probably had ulterior motives. I wasn’t allowed to have single female friends because they would want me to go to bars and such, thus allowing single guys to hit on me. I wasn’t allowed to have gay/lesbian friends because they could be into me and try to make a move. Therefore, I lost all my friends during our relationship. After two years together long distance, I moved to his state to be with him. During this time I started a new job and began school for my bachelors degree. My coworkers and schools friends would always ask if I wanted to hangout, but I consistently declined (I knew that if I said yes I would get 100 questions from him, regarding who I was with, where I was going etc) and that wouldn’t be worth it.
Whenever I would apply for jobs, he wanted to have a say in it so he could decide if it was safe location and that none of the guys working there were sketchy.
Over time he became better, and less controlling but still had controlling tendencies. We got married in 2018. In Sept 2019, I started realizing that I wasn’t in love with this person anymore. I still loved him as a friend, a best friend. But I cringe when he touches me, I become angry easily with him and his insecure moments, and I am realizing that I resent him so much for how he isolated me the past ten years. Because of this, I became more cold. My cold nature resulted in him becoming more clingy; needing to be with me at all times and essentially suffocating me.
I have asked him dozens of time to allow me to have me time, but he never listens. He’ll leave me alone for 30 minutes and then come talk to me because he misses me. Or he’ll send me walls of texts that require responses and if I don’t respond he’ll come ask me in person. He hates the fact that I am friends with a male coworker of mine. Anytime he sees me texting (I don’t hide my phone at all, so I make it obvious that I’m texting) he gets jealous and starts an argument on how he isn’t comfortable with my friendship.
He’s not a bad guy at all; he truly is a great person. He loves me completely and wants to provide. He feels like he’s just looking out for my best interests. He just considers us to be soulmates and therefore he never tires of being around me and wants to spend all his free time with me.
Sigh...I’m all over the place and don’t know what to do. I could never hurt him, but I am exhausted. Everyday I fantasize running away and starting my life somewhere else. I don’t have an exact question, i’m Looking for guidance. If you were me, how would you continue this lifestyle?
Td;lr: spent the last ten years being controlled by spouse. Emotionally and mentally exhausted, and am now feeling resentful over the past. How do I navigate the future waters?
Submitted January 05, 2021 at 02:06PM by TisButtaScratch https://ift.tt/3pQP3kH
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