28M having difficulty in current relationship with 25F, ex (25F) is also involved! I don't know how to move forward

Hello all!

I'll try to keep this to the point without rattling on too much. I seriously need help though, I'm more confused and hurting more than I have in a long time. I need to make a decision and stick to it, I know, but I'm afraid I'll regret any one decision I make for the rest of my life. Though I know this is unavoidable. I'm 29, male.

So, first, my ex (25, female). We were together for 4 years or so. Things were great in the beginning and toward the end we settled into a comfortable lifestyle. Just comfortable though. Complacent even? Stagnant. Ended up feeling like room mates. Never really shared any common interests. Sex was very average and became quite infrequent. 60% of the time I'd say I felt she was a little boring... didn't really find me funny or anything. Just a different sense of humour. Hated my snoring, woke me up a the time for it. Wanted seperate rooms because we'd have slept better. I didn't particularly want to do that because I love cuddling during sleep. We were still great in the beginning though, still made it work very well. She, though, is and was the sweetest, most caring, selfless woman I've ever known. Often timid. Socially awkward but silly in private. Headstrong and stern when she needed to be too. Level headed, emotionally strong, mentally strong. A nurse too, so financially strong too. Almost nil social media presence. Came from a nice, traditional family who loved me. Ended up breaking it off mutually because we felt we'd stagnated too much. I still care deeply for her & would help her with anything if she ever needed me. In hindsight I feel as though I could have saved the relationship if I just put in the effort, pushed and inspired her to go out, experience more and grow together. Think I wish I did. Would have made a great wife and a perfect mother. Honestly.

Now, my current partner (25, female), been with roughly a year. More attractive to me. Same sense of humour, genuinely thinks I'm hilarious. Many of the same interests. Chemistry is very, very good. I get on with her better than I have any other woman I've known. We do all kinds of fun shit together. Bubbly, more affectionate. My snoring doesn't bother her at all. Met at work three or so months after my ex and I split. We hit it off so fucking well, it was and mostly still is amazing.

Was warned by someone not to shit where I eat. I didn't listen. Turns out I'm the 7th person she's been with at work inside of the two years she's worked there. A few short relationships, others just sex. Sent pornographic pictures to a few others at work too, don't know how many. Apparently there is or was a pornographic home video of her being shared around at work, idk if that is true or not. I see these people every time I come into work. Only found out about all this 4 months or so into the relationship. It eats me up so badly and I've been doing my best to put it out of my mind and move on, trying not to let it bother me and all. Initially I was okay with it but I feel like the more I care for her the more it has been effecting me, slowly getting worse. My heart sinks into my stomach whenever I see them. I hold no resentment for her or any of these people at all, but... it just makes me sad. I'm a private person. I want my intimate moments with my significant other to be private, to be mine. If these people were not any that I had to see every single shift at work I wouldn't care. Wouldn't care if it was a thousand. But so many here know and have seen her on that same level. Idk. I have to work with all of them in close proximity, all of the time. I always maintain professionalism and never give off any vibes but I'm hurting on the inside. I'm doing my best to deal with it, I have been for months now. She knows how I feel, says that if she could take it all back if she knew she was going to meet me she would. She feels responsible for my feelings but I know she shouldn't. It isn't her fault, it was all before me. Past is the past... except when it's in your face every single day it doesn't really feel like it.

She's intelligent. Emotionally unstable, on antidepressants. Sort of but not really threatened suicide if I ever left, said she'd have nothing. I understand it was wrong of her to put that on me but it's what she's grown up with. Has a sister on antidepressants, attempted suicide a few times unsuccessfully. Has a bipolar father who threatens and attempts suicide often. Parents are separated. Constantly little issues she blows out of proportion that I console her about. I always want to help her and always do without hesitation but it does chip away at me a bit. Constantly posts images of her body on social media disguised as gym progress. Does it for validation, she's told me this. Sort of makes me feel like my validation isn't enough. Doubt dad would appreciate mum posting things like that for all to see. I know I don't. She knows how I feel about that too. She won't stop and I refuse to be controlling. I've just lived with it. Slowly I've gotten to the point where I'm not sure if I can keep putting my feelings to the side. Insecurities, jealousy, idk. Whatever they are I just don't like feeling this way and don't want to feel like this forever. Makes me consider leaving for my own sanity. I REALLY don't want to though, I absolutely fucking adore this woman. I want HER to have my children... says she would but I don't think she particularly likes the idea of having kids, I can tell. Very conflicted.

To make things worse... my ex wants to try again. I feel like I know that if I tried with her again we could fix all of the problems that we had and have a good, stable, happy, fulfilling life.

First time I've ever asked for advice like this... I feel lost, helpless. I'm at the point in my life where I want to settle down with someone. I'm so conflicted at the moment.

I know nobody can make my decisions for me... but what should I do? Given all I've said; what would YOU do in my shoes?

TLDR; - 28M in relationship with 25F for a year - Work with partner, found out halfway in that she'd slept with and had relationships with 6 others at work that I work in close proximity with - 25F partner also has mental health issues - Finding it hard to deal with - Contemplating leaving to save my own mental health despite adoring her - Ex of 4 years (25F) recently contacted me wanting to try again - Internal struggle/confusion - What the hell do I do?

Thank you all

Submitted January 05, 2021 at 01:32PM by Azgaurdian https://ift.tt/2MGkUXb