I [26F] and my boyfriend [25M] about to move together when tells me he’s unhappy that I can’t drink. Don’t know if I should go ahead and move without him?

We started out living in the same place, but then I had a move for work, so we’ve been long distance for some time.

Finally, I got the opportunity for an internal transfer so we could be in the same place. We picked Dallas, Texas to move to together for various reasons: cost of living, the chance at good in-state tuition for grad school, job opportunities, amount of transplants, weather... Plus, he had some friends already living there.

He got a job, got a place, and moved down a few weeks ago. My transfer was just accepted, so I was preparing to move down in another few weeks. He was so happy and excited when at the news (or made a good show of it, if not) and said he couldn’t wait to have me there. I was counting down the days.

Cut to today, he says he’s been having a blast reconnecting with his old friends. They’ve been going on benders over the weekends and he’s been living it up at bars and clubs with them, their friends, and their girlfriends.

Thing is, I can’t drink. Like, physiologically. I have a genetic mutation that makes my liver unable to metabolize the alcohol so I only feel sick when I drink it instead of good. (Alcohol intolerance aka “Asian glow.” I am Asian and he’s not). Some people who have this condition drink anyway, but I feel so awful when I try, I’ve given up.

He says he’s been thinking that we might be happier if we go our separate ways since I can’t drink and he likes to.

I’m in shock. He’s known this about me since day 1. I don’t feel like I act weird about it. I get my one drink to hold and sip on throughout the night so I don’t look out of place and I still have fun. I just can’t do multiple rounds or shots.

Up to this point, our relationship has revolved around fun activities instead of drinking. He told me that’s been great and he’s done more things than ever, but then he revealed to me that this whole time he’s missed being able to go out and have fun drinking like he has in other relationships. He says he had more fun in past relationships being able to party and share that with them.

He says a lot of what people do for fun in Dallas is going out to bars and drinking. He’s going to be doing that. So if I come, I won’t be able to participate and I’ll feel left out and unhappy.

We haven’t officially broken up, but the conversation felt pretty final. I’m reeling. Moving to Dallas still makes sense for all the same reasons, and I can afford it just fine, but I didn’t expect to have to do it alone.

I’m also feeling discouraged over the idea that I won’t be able to make friends in Dallas if I can’t drink. It’s tapped into a major insecurity of mine.

I’ve struggled in the past because the other people who don’t drink either do so for religious or moral reasons, or are the kind of people who don’t like going out altogether, so I don’t connect with them as much. I do like to go out and have a good time. I even go to raves. I just do it sober.

But then if I’m in a group that’s drinking, they feel weird if I’m not drinking too. Not gonna lie, it sucks. IME, it actually bothers people. So that makes me feel bad and out of place. But...I can’t help how I was born. Sometimes it’s hard not to feel defective.

Now I’m wondering if I should still go through with the move alone?Is this is going to be a major friendship barrier in Dallas? Are there people out there who are outgoing and like to be wild sometimes, but are also sober? Where do I find them?

Tl;dr Can’t drink due to genetic condition. Right before we were set to move to a new city together, boyfriend reveals he’s missed being able to drink with his SO and hasn’t had as much fun with me because of it. Says new city has drinking culture he wants to take advantage of and that I won’t be able to make friends there as easily if I move. Don’t know how to feel and afraid he’s right.

Submitted April 01, 2019 at 07:28AM by Confetticandi https://ift.tt/2WCktwr