My Dad [M 43] cheated on my mom [F 43] - and my mom and I [M 19] found out because he sent an email meant from his new GF to us.

EDIT: title should say “meant for” not meant “from”

This a bit surreal for me so I apologize in advance for my emotion in this post.

I - along with my mom - discovered that my dad was cheating on her because he accidentally sent a message meant for his new girlfriend in an email to my mom and me. (What a fucking idiot, I know.)

As my parents have always fought, I guess I expected a divorce (I’m 19, no siblings, and they’ve been married 20 years), but I never thought about cheating. This is especially hard for me because I am close to my dad - he is my role model and one of the best friends - but this is so two-faced it gives me stomaches. Additionally, I am not very close with my mom.

The hardest part is that the email said that he “just got away” from my mom and me so he could meet up. In other words, he chose this person over being with me (and my mom) this weekend. I leave for sophomore year of college this weekend so to hear that he didn’t want to be with me is extremely painful, and unexpected.

I’m writing because I need advice:

1) how to approach my dad - right now I have no plans to talk to him, at least for a while. My mom - who I want to support in this especially difficult time for her - wants me to give him the silent treatment but tomorrow (before I leave) wants me to say all these things about how he lied to us, etc. she wants to keep the marriage, I’m 99% sure my dad wants to get a divorce. My mom believes that if I say the right things that make him reflect, he’ll realize he’s missing out on family things, repent, change, and come back. Personally, even though I think a divorce is solidified, I owe it to my mom to support her.

2) how to approach topic with friends - my mom doesn’t want me to tell anybody because I don’t think anyone in our community would expect this, and as a result it’d become nothing but gossip and embarrassing. I have close friends that I certainly trust, but I’m worried that 10 years from now at my wedding or family events they’ll see my dad and presumably new wife with such disgust. I don’t want to be known as the kid with a dad that cheated on his mom, but I feel like I have to tell some people. I know my friends will support me, I just don’t want them to look at my dad so negatively. He is an amazing father (except this does break my respect for him), just a bad spouse.

Thank you for reading and for any advice you have.

TL;DR: My Dad cheated on my mom. My mom and I both found out in horrible way and know I want to know how to approach my dad and if I should tell my friends

Submitted September 01, 2018 at 04:12AM by imnotfromomaha https://ift.tt/2wCqA8L