My (27F) husband (49M) told his friend (50sM) that he does not want to have children with me and that he's only lying to me so that I will leave him alone.

To begin with, I (27F) was always clear and told him (49M) that I wanted children, I even told him that I want to have more than five. I never lied to him because I didn't want to spend my time with someone who doesn't think the same way about family. But he did, he lied to me he for years. I remember that after two years together and after we got married I told him that I wanted to start trying but he said that it was better to wait until I graduated from college first to avoid stress so we waited.

I graduated, got my first big job, and he told me it was better to wait for me to settle into the job before trying. And I thought that was reasonable so we waited, again. Two years later he said it was best to wait because his mother was sick and it wasn't the right time so I waited and waited and waited but the right time never came.

A few days ago I was using his phone when he received messages from his friend and judging from what you could see on the notification bar they were talking about me, so I read them, and I wish I hadn't. In those messages his friend was laughing because my husband told him that now that his daughter (25F) is pregnant he doesn't plan to have more children because being the father of a baby and a grandfather at the same time doesn't seem like a good idea to him, and he also said that he's happy with me alone, that a baby would ruin everything. And his friend said something like then he should tell me since he sees how desperate I am to have a baby, and my husband told him that in a few years that baby fever will pass and I will understand that life without children is much better. that he regrets having had his daughter because it ruined his previous marriage, that he doesn't want to see me end up like his ex-wife ended up (she had a horrible depression after having her daughter and to this day she is like a living ghost)

After saying those things, he said that he only tells me that we are going to try to have children because he wants me to leave him alone. And knowing that hurt me because I've wasted nine years of my life for nothing. If I had listened to all the people who warned me about him, today I could be married to someone else and we could even have a few children, I would be happy without having to beg anyone, but I was stupid. I thought that because he was someone older everything would work out much better than with someone young like me, I thought he would understand me like nobody else because he already had experience, what an idiot.

I don't even know what to do or what to say to confront him, I feel humiliated, all this time he laughed at me for wanting to be a mom and I didn't know it. What a shame, even his friends laughed at my "desperate wants to be a mom". I've been avoiding him since I read those texts because I don't know how to confront him, it sounds stupid I know, but it's the truth. I never confronted him for anything. He was always before me, I always put him first, I always thought first of what he wanted, what made him happy, I never thought of me before him, so now it feels weird and I don't know what to do. He knows something is wrong because he has asked me many times what is wrong, but I don't know what to say.

I could only talk about it with my friends and they just told me "I told you so", apparently this ending was predictable for everyone except me, and I know my family will tell me the same because they hate him, so I don't know where else to look for advice.

tl;dr "My (27F) husband (48M) told his friend (50sM) that he does not want to have children with me and that he's only lying to me so that I will leave him alone. And I don't know how to confront him"

Submitted January 22, 2023 at 09:47PM by ThrowRa_gracex https://ift.tt/FCAySpn