I am a 26/f and have been dating a 31/m for 3 years. For the sake of being concise, I will try to avoid getting into too much detail with regard to our relationship but it would suffice to say that I've become more and more resentful about the fact that he never compliments me.
To put it in perspective a bit, when we first met I can't recall him ever saying anything to imply that he was immediately attracted to me. Subsequently over the next few years, him saying anything remotely positive about me was scarce. One time we went to a wedding together and he said "you look nice" and that was the only time I can ever remember being complimented on my physical appearance. Another time we had to have our friends and family fill out a worksheet for a class wherein they circle adjectives that describe us, and my boyfriend picked "hardworking" "generous" and "loving", and that is the only time I can recall him saying anything positive about my personality.
On the other hand, he has said some really mean things about my personality, and has made me cry and then said "you're ugly when you cry".
I've never been with a boyfriend who didn't shower me with affection, and as a server in a restaurant I get hit on or complimented probably close to every day by other men. I don't say that to sound conceded, I just have become depressed after a while that I other men seem to like me and notice me, but I can't get that from my boyfriend.
My boyfriend is someone who talks (or did anyway) about other women to his friends and made remarks in the past before we dated about how attracted other women were online, like celebrities and whatnot, so it's not like he's not the type to say those kinds of things and he's definitely into women. He's also allowed me to read correspondences between himself and exes (to settle an unrelated dispute over an inconsistent story) and I saw that he would tell them they are "smoking hot" "goddesses" etc, which just begs the question, "what is so goddamn wrong with me then?!".
One time I asked him what his first impression of me was, kinda hoping to hear something like, chemistry he felt, attraction, anything, and he said, " I thought you were quiet and reserved" and I said, "that's it?" And he said, "and cute", which somehow did not feel like a compliment to me at all.
For a long time I really tried to get over it, didn't want to have to say, "don't you think I'm pretty?!" Like some kind of weirdo, and besides that, a compliment is sorta ruined when you have to ask for one, isn't it? So I tried to just let it be the elephant in the room but alas, I've just become more and more insecure and hurt by the fact that he never says anything nice about me.
A few weeks ago, we went to an event of his (a casual one), and I basically got all done up, not DRESSED UP, per se, but I tried hard on my hair and makeup and I mean just generally tried to look "hot" as it were, and we go to this event, he barely even notices me, and I catch him checking out some other girl, which needless to say made me feel foolish and pathetic. I was pissed already but then the next day for the first time with me ever, he can't get it up during sex, and I'm left to think like, am I not even f-able now??
We talked about it that time, and I've talked about it several timea over the last say, 8months, I tried to talk to him reasonably telling him I don't feel like he's attracted to me, when that didn't work, I bitched and yelled and told him he should've been with someone he was attracted to, I've told him in every which way and in every which contexts I could even imagine by now, and without fail he ignores what I'm saying and tells me to "relax", ignores me completely, tells me he's not going to respond because he doesn't feel like it, calls me insecure,leaves and fights, or some other kind of dismissive reaction, but never has ever actually said, "you're wrong, I am attracted to you" or "I do think you're beautiful".
So I don't know where to go from here. The idea of spending the rest of my life with someone who truly cannot appreciate me and is not attracted to me is terribly depressing.
Tl;dr At risk of sounding like a self absorbed conceded nag, my boyfriend never implies that he's attracted to me whatsoever and I resent it. Tell me how to make myself feel like I'm worth a damn
Submitted August 31, 2018 at 05:34PM by Iilv062218 https://ift.tt/2N3deg9
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