Am I (29F) unreasonable in what I expect from my friends and family (20s) when we're on trips that I pay for?

Hi. Thanks to my job, I'm significantly wealthier than most of my friends and family. I like to travel a lot, and I like to do it with the people I love so I often pay. I cover everything, from flights to accommodation and meals. I have no problem with this and it's never an expectation it's something I offer. I've made it clear to my friends and family that if I arrange a trip, I'm paying for it and that's the end of it. I can't stand people who offer gifts and then expect something back for it, and I can't figure out if that's what I'm doing or if how I'm feeling is reasonable.

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Here's a few examples.

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My partner's best friend lives about an eight hour from us, so we don't see him that often. Let's call my partner Steve and his best friend Adam. Adam had a boyfriend called Dave. A couple of years ago I flew Adam and Dave to a city a few hours from us as a surprise for Steve's birthday. My best friend was there too, as well as another couple of friends of ours. Adam and Dave came to Steve's birthday dinner, and then we pretty much didn't see them for the weekend. They didn't come on the hike we wanted to do or visit any museums with us. They didn't give a reason for it or suggest alternate activities, they just went off and did their own thing. I was left feeling like I had subsidized a romantic weekend away for the two of them, when I actually wanted to spend time with Steve and only invited Adam so he would feel welcome in the friend group. Is it fair to expect them to spend time with us if I've paid for the trip?

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Example 2. I'm currently on a family vacation with my parents, brother and sister. It's about a ten hour drive from where we live. My sister is 27, and hasn't introduced many partners to us but she's been seeing a girl for about 6 months and it seems serious. This girl, Katy, is going to Australia travelling in a few weeks and she'll be gone for a year. My sister, Carla, is going to join her in 4 months. So they're going to be separated for four months. I've only met Katy once but she seems lovely. We were chatting about her and Carla was talking about how much she's going to miss her. I spontaneously suggested she fly here to meet us, and I would cover flights and hotels. She'll only have about three days here (she couldn't come before because of a family event she had agreed to go to). Carla was thrilled and invited Katy immediately who was also thrilled. This trip is mostly for my mum, who's very keen on family bonding time. Trips, dinners etc. It means the world to her when we're all together. So Katy's flying over and will be here tomorrow. The hotel is sold out, so I'm going to share a room with my brother so Carla and Katy can have my room and be alone. Carla's been talking about their plans and essentially ... it's just the two of them doing romantic vacation stuff. I kind of suggested I thought it was a bit rude for them to go off alone, and I got snapped at back and Carla basically made it clear that it's not up for discussion.

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Sooo .... am I being selfish and out of line? I don't expect to dictate a trip if I pay for it and we always vote on what we're going to do and where we're going to eat and stuff. But I do sort of feel that we should all be doing stuff together, you know? If you want a romantic couples vacation then ... pay for it?

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TL;DR sometimes feel that I'm being taken advantage of when friends and family don't spend time with me on trips I paid for. Fair, or not?

Submitted August 31, 2018 at 09:19AM by throwitaway19183020 https://ift.tt/2LKH4RT