I am so madly in love with a girl and it scares the mess out if me till I feel sick. Looking for advice.

Sorry this is so long. TLDR will be at the bottom.

Im a 29 year old male and I've recently regained contact with an old friend I had a huge crush on 5 years ago. We both liked each other and hung out constantly. The connection was unreal with how natural we felt around each other. The only problem was we both were going through phases, seeing other people already and just kept it strictly friends. She ended up marrying someone and unfortunately was forced to remove me from her contacts.

Fast forward to about 3 months ago and she tracked me down on Linkdin out of no where. Those feelings 5 years ago almost instantly came back like she never even left. It was wild because i've been in enough relationship in my life to at least explain what i'm feeling, but nothing like that. It got so scary for both of us to the point we almost put up a wall between each other because we didn't understand what was happening and were scared of the feelings we caught so quickly. We eventually snapped out of it and made a deal that we know those feelings are there and to just heal each other as friends and whatever happens, happens.

Back story on us both: She's going through a divorce with the same guy 5 years ago, who's extremely manipulative and said the most disrespecting, belittling things to her the entire marriage. She was done and was wanting to move on for a long long time. I got out of something similar a couple of months ago. The girl I was dating for almost 3 years was very manipulative, broke me down to dirt, and made me feel like everything was my fault. Once I finally got out of that, I took my time to heal and therapy to get my thoughts back on track.

We finally found time to hang out about a month ago. She was in town picking up her kids and was staying for the weekend. We decided to just go on a walk and talk about anything and everything. It was AMAZING. We walked and talked about anything that came to our mind. From 7pm to almost 2am and time felt like it flew by so quickly. The next day we agreed to have a few beers by the lake late at night to just hang out and talk some more. The later it got, the braver we got to talking about our feelings towards each other. And then we kissed and it was like the world just vanished. Everything around us just disappeared and that moment and everything about it was the only thing that mattered. It was so shocking and caught us both off guard as to what in the world just happened..that we almost walled each other off again after that weekend, but snapped out of it and we talked about it some more and made a promise, no walls and to speak up with concerns.

Fast forward to last weekend and we had a chance to finally just be her and I all weekend. It was our first opportunity to really take a look at if that was just a one time deal at the lake or not. Turns out, it wasn't. That feeling happened again and again and the whole weekend was just perfect. Everything about her was perfect. Everything about us is perfect. Its just...perfect. I have never been so in love with someone than I am now with this girl. We have both shared the exact same feelings for each other as well, so its not unbalanced with those feelings by any means.

SO.. here is where I, of course, start to get scared again. Sunday night settles in as we are finally away from each other and of course I start getting scared.. telling myself if this doesn't work out , im gonna have the worst heart break and I wont be able to see anyone else the same way like I see her ever again. I've talked to her about me being scared and shes made it very clear numerous times that shes not going anywhere and she knows im not going anywhere. She understands why im scared and has told me itll be okay. Shes made it so clear how she feels about me and how perfect we are, and how I am for her on numerous occasions.

So my question is: why in the world am I still scared? Why do I feel this way. And of course, being scared makes other worries appear like me ruining something with her by over-worrying and such. So its just this overwhelming anxiety that I can't seem to shake. Is there anything I could do or ask of her to help me since shes willing to do anything for me. I would rather fix this myself as I feel that is the only way this will be fixed. whatever it takes to make me feel better. I feel like such a burden when I worry or tell her im worried. I know I wont be like this forever but the more I ask the worse I feel like she will think so and move on. I don't want to lose her and I want her in my life so bad that it makes me sick to my stomach sometimes with how scared I make myself on things.

TL;DR - I am madly in love with a girl and want her to be in my life so bad, that I worry myself till I feel sick. What can I do/say to her or myself to make that feeling suppressed or in the least reduced?

Submitted June 22, 2020 at 11:44AM by thorwawayaccount99 https://ift.tt/2YpBMVk