My husband and I (both 23) have been together for 10 years and married for 1 year. We used to have a pretty normal, active sex life, and when we first moved in together we had sex pretty much every night. I love him very much and find him very physically attractive.
For the last 6 months or so, it’s been really different. I can’t bring myself to instigate anything (although to be fair I never really did anyway) and when he starts instigating sex with me, I get scared and freeze up to the point that I sometimes cry because I don’t want him to see or touch my body. I can’t relax enough to enjoy sex because I’m constantly thinking about how bad I look and everything that’s wrong with my body. When I do manage to push through and we do have sex, I’m ashamed to say it comes more from a place of ‘duty’ because I’m so preoccupied thinking about how I look that I can’t enjoy it.
We’ve spoken about it and he’s been really, really good, reassured me, and tries hard to make sex ‘about me’ - to be honest this actually makes it worse because I feel like when he’s focussing on me, he’s not enjoying himself so what’s the point. Often after he’s finished he tries to carry on in other ways so that I can finish, but I just stop him because it’s not really fair to make him carry on just for me when he’s already done.
He’s starting to make advances less and less now because he knows that it’s either going to end in me crying and apologising, or at best it will be 15 minutes of performative moaning, in the dark, with my arm across my stomach to hide it until he finishes. We’re having sex maybe once a month tops.
I really don’t want things to carry on like this and get worse, what can I do?
Tl;dr - I’m too self conscious to have sex with my husband and when we do have sex it’s only because I feel like I have to, how can I stop this?
Submitted June 28, 2020 at 04:50PM by CarefulSalt https://ift.tt/387j5cn
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