Please redirect me if this I should post this somewhere else.
I'm in an abusive relationship and I know that. I appreciate well-intentioned comments on this, but I can't up and leave right now - I need to have my plan (finances, housing, employment, etc) in place for when I eventually leave. Both of us have equal weight on the lease, but I have lived in this apartment for a week longer than him.
Context: My bf and i live together and when he first moved in, he brought a bunch of groceries. Like A LOT. To be honest, I thought his parents contributed to buying it for him as support for the move but he has said that he paid for all of it. I'm skeptical, but whatever. We have a fridge, freezer, and pantry FULL of food - and he doesn't want me to eat it because I didn't pay for it. Since moving in, we've gone halvsies on grocery trips we do together but my memory isn't great enough to remember what I've paid for and what he brought into the apartment on his own. I've never been the type to keep score like that but apparently my boyfriend has been keeping score since the day we moved in together.
The fight: When he came, he brought these cups of instant rice. They came in a pack of four and have been sitting in our pantry for WEEKS. To be clear, we have a bag of rice (that I bought on my own at some point) AND these cups. Yesterday, he asked me if we had instant rice because we were making a grocery list and I said "yes we have it and i know we have it because I ate one of those cups you brought". He blew up. He said that those instant rice cups are for emergencies when there isn't time to cook bag rice and that I was misusing them by eating one. I don't even remember why I ate one or what dish I made. I tried to explain that I can/should be able to eat whatever I want whenever I want in our apartment and he responded with the earlier point about how I didn't pay for them. I pointed out that we still have three cups left and when we run out I fully intended to buy more, but he said that wasn't acceptable, I ate a cup for an invalid reason, and that I had to go to the store immediately and buy more because I was being irresponsible and selfish. I said no, and he took the three remaining rice cups and put them in a safe in his closet because he didn't trust me to have good judgement about when would be an appropriate time to use the instant rice cups. I asked if he was planning on just taking away food whenever I didn't eat it the way he wanted me to and he responded with basically saying yes until I learn how to be respectful and responsible with our food supply.
This is fucked up. I know it is. I cried for over an hour in the kitchen and he asked why rice is so important to me.
My question: I know I have to leave and I swear I'm working on it, but how do I handle this food situation until then? This fight happened yesterday and I've been nervous to eat anything in our kitchen because I'm anxious of eating it wrong or eating the wrong thing. I've skipped breakfast and lunch today, for this reason, but I know this isn't sustainable. Would it make more sense to suggest we keep the grocery trips separate from now on, to put my foot down and stand my ground about eating whatever I want in my own home, or to comply and stick to eating stuff he cooks and offers to me?
tldr: my bf says I'm irresponsibly eating our food supply and I know this abusive but how do I proceed for now before I can make my exit from this relationship?
ETA: Removed some identifying details. We have been together for about a year. We argue about other things, mostly trivial/controlling things like this (ie if I buy the wrong brand of cheese or don't put the dishes away correctly). The abuse is physical and emotional.
Submitted June 29, 2020 at 09:52AM by eatwhatiwant101 https://ift.tt/3g9IGE9
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