TL;DR I am working over 80 hours a week because I am literally doing her job PLUS mine, while she uses depression and other causes as excuses.
So we have been living together for a year, she moved in with me, but does not contribute financially because she does not work other than internships, but does help with chores and is generally fun to be with other than being messy. We are both students in software, and because of the covid, we both have been working from home, and she is doing an internship currently full time.
The problem arises when she cannot work from home at all, she plays game the whole day, even during meetings (webcam is off), chills all day, until at night she panics because she has bunch of stuff due, acts like she understands everything to her colleagues, but has not even started. So she begs for my help, starts crying and having a panic attack, so I come to help her. Obviously, loving her, it does not bother me to get her out of trouble, but I have been doing this every single day since the start of May. I am literally doing 80h of work, because she does nothing, other than explaining what I did at some meetings... I am ghostwriting everything.
So why did she sign up for an internship ? Well our school needs you to sign up for an internship by fall, and she got in Amazon for this summer, but they have this waitlist system where you pass all the interviews but there is no open position and she just got rejected at the end. She had EXTREME mood swings, anxiety, depression, started fights. To her this was literally life or death, and also this was the only place to even gave her an interview despite her applying to over 100 competitive tech places.
To give some context, she grew up in a pretty chaotic household, parents always fighting, lot of financial problems with her family, they were always calling her useless and making her grow up with big self-esteem issues. She also got bullied due to growing up in a racist neighborhood, and has social anxiety, no friends at all. (For that I see her try to do school clubs, youth church, but I guess she just has problems connecting to others. I have 3 best friends but I dont socialize much neither but for me its a preference). She also grew up with depression and even got hospitalized for suicidal attempt. She keeps telling me her own value would be much her future job's salary and she NEEDED this internship because we go to a pretty irrelevant university and that's the only way she would be able to get into a FAANG (which unfortunately is true because she refuses to do projects or try anything else that for her "does not guarantee any result"). She says that everything she went through, she needs this to prove to her parents and to herself that the pain was worth it... Also, she refuses therapy because she said that it is too expensive, and the meds are not covered.
So back to the problem, I have tried talking to her, telling her she needs to learn this, she might get fired if they find out, that I am late for my own work, etc. I know she is not dumb, because she has a pretty good GPA, 3.5+, way higher than mine and she does her school projects pretty well. She still refuses, by saying stuff like "I just want to die" and crying about Amazon. I mean at least she starts cleaning or making food when I am doing her job, but I don't know how to confront her when I somewhat understand her situation and don't want to make it worst. I guess the problem is more deep rooted, and I couldve asked "what can I do to help my depressive and insecure girlfriend".
TL;DR I am working over 80 hours a week because I am literally doing her job PLUS mine, while she uses depression and other causes as excuses.
Submitted June 26, 2020 at 07:13AM by throwawayRAbftired https://ift.tt/2ZqSgvV
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