UPDATE: My boyfriend (31M) thinks it’s ok to tell me what to wear (31F) and he doesn’t understand it’s upsetting.
UPDATE: Original post linked below
After continued arguing, I finally moved out of the apartment about a week ago because we decided that we needed space. He begged me to move back, but I said no. I agreed to do couples therapy along with my individual therapy. My therapist told me it would be normal to go back and forth and even repeatedly think about going back to him because of the psychological impact of everything I've dealt with for 6 years. She said to just keep working on it, and not feel the need to make a final decision before I'm emotionally ready. The first couples session we did was a disaster with him screaming the entire time and the therapist implying as much as she could that this was REALLY nearly impossible. We then decided to look for another therapist to continue "trying."
All week, I've been calling/emailing different therapists trying to get an appointment. I finally found one with an open spot and asked my fiancé to send his insurance card. Of course, because it's now beyond clear that he doesn't give a crap, he delayed sending it to me for 2 days. Never once asked if he could help, or if I needed any help finding someone. Per usual, it's all on me.
I was having a lot of emotional turmoil, obsessive thoughts, back and forth and asked him if he wanted to do something together tonight just to talk about what we are doing and where this is going. He told me he "really needed space to think on our relationship and meditate on it." I was upset, but I said fine. About an hour later, he accidentally dialed me. I picked up saying "hello," and just heard mumbling in the background. As I waited, thinking he called me to talk, I heard him and a woman's voice. The phone then hung up.
I called back asking what that was all about. He seemed confused and said he was at his mom's house. Impossible - because I had just spoken to his mom a few minutes ago. I called him out, and he said "ok, my aunt stopped by the apartment." Again - makes no sense and totally contradicts what he said 2 second before. He then said "Ok, fine, I admit it - I invited xyz over. Let's talk about it later" He then hung up.
Now, for the past 2 months, a female coworker of his has been calling him nonstop to ask for help with work stuff. It was always a little suspicious to me because he's only been at that office for a few months and this girl has worked there for years. Why does she need to come to him specifically, with every single question? He is not a supervisor or in any managerial role. She's also called him a few times to ask for relationship advice and mention how she "likes bad boys." Why? Does she not have other friends, cousins, brothers, sisters? She has to call my fiancé? Anyways, I just gave it the benefit of the doubt. But he would light up any time she came up in conversation and refer to her as his "work girlfriend." At the same time, he had a couple female friends from his last job. In the past, I saw some flirty texts but he insisted the two ladies were a lesbian couple and they were just friends. I didn't like it and told him it made me uncomfortable.
After he got caught, he insisted its the lesbian couple over at our apartment, having dinner with him - that he paid for - while I've been sitting at my mom's house for 2 weeks agonizing about this relationship, trying to set up therapy, and feeling guilty for hurting him. Meanwhile he needs "time to himself" to "reflect on the relationship" aka hang out with two women who he knows I have a problem with due to past texts.
I say all that long drawn out crap to say this - that is the last straw. All the screaming at me, yelling, gas lighting, manipulation, temper tantrums, punching walls, constant need for validation, minimizing, and abuse I've endured was topped off by this. I honestly don't know that he hasn't cheated on me with the coworker either. I am done. I am so done. I only need a date when I can go by and move all of my stuff out. Never again.
tl;dr I am ending my relationship with my manipulative, narcissistic fiancé.
Submitted June 27, 2020 at 10:46PM by xmzjKakakdkdks https://ift.tt/2Bh0Bdl
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