My [19F] boyfriend [20M] and I have been dating for about a year. When we first started dating, my boyfriend regularly brushed his teeth, but beyond the first few months he completely stopped doing it.
A few months ago I chose to bring this up, because his teeth are visibly covered in plaque and his breath often smells in the morning.
My boyfriend has autism, and explained that the sensation of brushing his teeth is incredibly unpleasant- he described it as "painful". Apparently he hasn't regularly brushed his teeth since early childhood, unless his parents enforced it. He also claims his gums bleed when he brushes his teeth. I'm not sure if the experience is painful because of his disorder, or because his swollen unbrushed gums are infected and need attention.
I've gone about the issue as politely as possible by encouraging him to brush his teeth without explicitly telling him it grosses me out. We've shopped together for very gentle, soft toothbrushes to help with the pain. I've volunteered to brush his teeth for him. I've bought him mouthwash and asked him to use it reguarly. He still doesn't mouthwash, nor brush his teeth. He refuses to see a dentist, likely because he doesn't have health insurance.
I'm started avoiding kissing him because the thought of his teeth is really gross, and he gets all pouty about me not kissing him much anymore.
I'm really not sure what to do about the issue- I don't want to come off as insensitive about his experience, because certain sensations can be incredibly unpleasant for autistic people in a way I can't understand. But on the other hand, I've actively avoided kissing him because the thought just grosses me out. How should I go about addressing this?
TL;DR: My boyfriend has autism and doesn't ever brush his teeth because the sensation is unpleasant. I've proactively done lots of things to facilitate some level of dental hygiene, to no avail. I don't want to kiss him any longer because of this issue, but I don't know how to address it.
Submitted June 25, 2020 at 10:08AM by Ambitious-Lime https://ift.tt/2NwkFLs
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