I (28M) just found out my ex girlfriend (26F) cheated on me in our relationship and I don't know why it bothers me now

My ex and I broke up about 3 months ago. We were together for about a year. She was the one who ended it because she told me I "cheated" on her by talking to a girl online once during a period where we were broken up (detailed the story in prior posts). I was devistated, still am hurt by it, but I'm getting better. Mainly because I felt like the reasoning made no sense to me.

Toward the later half of our relationship, I noticed a notification on her phone that her ex boyfriend was online on house party. I asked her about it and she brushed it off saying it does that for all contacts. Ok fair enough. A bit later on she's sitting beside me and she opens a snapchat and shows it to me. When it times out it goes to the summary screen of all her snaps and I notice her ex boyfriend was messaging her. I ask her about it and she says it was just a comment on her story. Ok...I guess that makes sense. A few weeks later she does the same thing, shows me a snap and it closes. Ex boyfriend is again at the top of the list. I ask her about it again, she says when he messages she has to respond or it's like someone is telling her not to. I tell her that dosent make sense and ask her to stop messaging him.

I was a tad jealous because when we broke up the first time (the whole "cheating" incident happened in this break up period) she got pissed at me and told me she only dated me because she wasn't over her ex. When we got back together she said she was just angry and didn't mean it, but seeing her chatting with him definitely made me uncomfortable.

Then, out of nowhere, she breaks up with me. It was literally completely random, and she says it's because she wasn't over me "cheating" on her. The next day she posts a snap to her story of a guy (face not in the picture) who I thought looked very similar to her ex...I brush it off and say no she wouldn't do that.

Then today. 3 months after the breakup I come across an Instagram post from her. It's her, and her ex. I message her. She says they're back together and she meant it when she said she only dated me because she wasn't over him.

I'm floored. Suddenly it made sense. She broke up with me because they were chatting more and she wanted him back. I told her THAT is cheating because she was pursuing someone while we were blatently together, not broken up. She insists that's not what it was, and that her talking to him was not cheating since they were just chatting. But to me since she clearly had an intent for him back, it feels like it was.

I guess my question is twofold. One, is what she did cheating? And two, how the heck do I cope with this. I'm not going to lie before finding out about her getting back with her ex I was still not over the relationship. It was very abusive from her part but for some reason I wanted her back more than anything. Now, despite the abuse I out up with, despite her physically, verbally, and emotionally abusing me. Despite her abusing hard drugs continually around me, she tops it off by cheating on me, and made me feel like I was a 1 year rebound until he came back.

Any advice on this is appreciated. I'm just trying to feel better. Thanks.

TL;DR ex girlfriend continually messaged her ex, then dumped me for him. Is what she did cheating and how do I cope with the feeling I was one big rebound?

Submitted June 27, 2020 at 02:40PM by joeylakeshaw https://ift.tt/3eMj28s