A week ago, my husband, my three year old daughter, and I moved to a city two hours away so he could switch jobs because he hated his previous job. This new job will be a good switch because he went to school for it and will be happier doing it. This community has much better schools for our daughter (and baby on the way-I’m eight months pregnant). I’m really happy about the move, but I left a job I really loved and was just starting to get really good/well established at after a year and a half, my friends and my family lived where we moved from, and my mom was a huge help in watching our daughter when I ran out of steam and I will miss that. His best friend lives here and his mom is planning on making a move up here some point soon. I get along with her, but I have the feeling she feels like I bring him down. I can’t even explore this new city properly with my little one because of the coronavirus risk and I feel terrible about that. I’m going to meet my new OB doctor tomorrow for the first time and I hope I like her. More importantly, I hope I feel safe with her as she will be cutting me open in about six weeks to deliver our second daughter. I’m trying to wrap my head around the transition back to being a stay at home mom (which I will admit I felt like a better mom when I was working and had a break from only interacting with a baby/toddler all day), but now with a three year old and a new born. I used to run several miles a week before getting pregnant and now I’m just exhausted. By it all. By everything.
Tonight I brought up that I didn’t want to continue to clean up one of our cats angry pee/poo spots and husband went off on me saying he’s tired and doesn’t want to think about managing cats. I know he’s got quite a bit on his plate with transitioning from his old job (tomorrow is technically his last day) to his new one. And he’s trying to get some house projects out of the way as we just moved a week ago. But I couldn’t help the tears. He’s saying he’s trying to balance two jobs (the one he leaves tomorrow and the other he starts Wednesday) and get the house taken care of. I left every bit of comfort I had so my family (mostly him and our daughters) could have better. I left my job, my family, my friends, a doctor I trusted, a community I’ve lived in for fifteen years, and easier access to self care. I’m really not trying to ask for accolades. But I would like the smallest bit of acknowledgement that I matter to him. That I matter period. That he’s not the only one making sacrifices here because he sure seems to think so.
When he very reluctantly came to check on me because “he can’t sleep when I’m crying”, I told him what I’ve laid out above. And after trying to say all of it through tears and feeling completely forgotten... he starts in about the cats again. To which I say I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to talk about the cats. He gets up and says “Well I’m done. I don’t feel like I have anything I can add to this conversation.” And goes back to bed. I’m on the couch because I don’t want to sleep in the same bed as him.
I’m not writing this for validation. It’s mostly because I just need to get it out and I can’t sleep. But I felt a little piece let go after this conversation and that both scared me and made me feel completely heartbroken. I just want to be seen.
I needed someone to listen tonight. So thank you, Reddit.
Edit: I am super appreciative of all the responses. We hugged it out this morning and I acknowledged what he has been doing for us and he acknowledged this being difficult for me while being pregnant. We both aren't getting a whole lot of or the best sleep. I wanted to put this out there: This was a disagreement and I don't feel our relationship is in shambles or that it's necessary for me to move back to where we just moved from. That would create so much more chaos for my three year old. He will be able to take time off to help me recover and he is a really wonderful father. I feel supported emotionally most of the time and we're usually really good together. I explained Toxoplasma and he seems aware of what it is. I told him I don't want to risk the infection (even if it's small) and he is taking care of the litter box and the intentional pissed off poos/pees the cats are making because we moved.
Submitted June 30, 2020 at 12:37AM by LikeAshButNot https://ift.tt/2CLWkyT
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