My(35M) fiance(34F) is amazing, *except* for when she's upset and she turns into a different person.

Long story short, we got engaged and moved in a couple months ago. Things were amazing before then. She's a very sweet, caring person. We're very compatible. But since moving in together there's been a series of "fights." I dont know they're actually fights. She gets emotionally upset and basically just talks down to me until she gets what she wants.

Fight #1 - she got snippy with me and I threw it back at her. Nothing big as far as I was concerned. This was right as I was going to bed and she was putting her daughter to bed. After her daughter is in bed she proceeds to drag me out of bed so we could fight. She was upset about the "altercation" earlier and woke me up to argue. I told her what she did was fucked up and that you dont wake people up to fight.

Fight #1.5 - we were on vacation. Had an argument about something and we werent resolving the argument. So she took off her ring and said she was going to fly back home. She didnt actually leave, but that seemed kinda manipulative to me.

Fight #2 - I dont remember what started it, but at one point she says to me "I dont even know why you're with me. It would be easier for you if you just left." And she straight up told me to leave multiple times during that fight. I told her I knew she didnt mean that so I didnt leave.

Fight #3 - she was upset because we "didnt spend any quality time together" that day. According to her I blow off her suggestions for things to do. This led to another fight. Once again she questioned why I was even with her if I didnt want to do things with her.

Fight #3 was a few nights ago. I was really, really frustrated after that fight. The next day I got home late from work and tried to apologize and said we needed to work on this and learn to argue and compromise.

I thought we were done discussing this stuff for the night. I told her I was going to bed and said good night. She came in to go to bed with me and brought shit up again. I said something like "really?!? Oh my god" and rolled over and tried to sleep. I woke up to her hysterically crying. I asked her what was going on and she was upset because I blew her off to try sleeping. She insisted on me giving her a hug to "comfort" her. When I didnt budge, she said "if you wont even give me a hug when I need your support most, this isnt going to work." I still didnt budge. She proceeded to say something like "why dont you just leave and go home to your mother!" I said "fine Ill sleep there for the night." I started collecting a couple pairs of work clothes and my toothbrush and she freaked out and switched modes. She went from ultra aggressive to desperately trying to get me not to leave. She literally barricaded me from leaving the bedroom. She physically wouldnt let me leave, insisting I needed to sleep "here, in your home." There was quite a bit of yelling. Mind you, her daughter was home and probably heard the entire thing. Eventually she got out of the way so I could leave.

The day after that, yesterday, I get home to my parents' house after work and my fiance's daughter is there. I was shocked. Ive been telling her for over a month she could take her to my family any time to watch her while shes at work. And she chooses this day of all days to do this for the first time. At some point she talks to both my mother and sister and after she picked up her daughter they talked to me. They basically said I needed to give her another chance. I feel like she was manipulative and played them.

So what I know about her for sure. Severe abandonment issues. Insecure. She fights dirty as fuck. She says literally anything during a fight. Manipulative(I think?!?). She's already been seeing a therapist since we got together, but I suggested a few weeks ago she needed to increase the frequency on the therapy.

At this point I dont even want to try to make this work. I dont know. My mom and sister think I should try. But is this even worth it? Is my fiance really capable of changing these behaviors? She said all the right things to my family, but to me talk is cheap. Its easy to say you're going to fix something. I feel like my feelings didnt start mattering to her until I took one of her "get out" ultimatums and actually left.

I care about her. I want whats best for her. But I also need to look out for myself.

tldr amazing gf is nasty af when angry and Im not sure if this is fixable.

Submitted April 22, 2020 at 01:53PM by throwawayy5757 https://ift.tt/2VOOmuW