My (31F) just found out that my brother (36M) died three months ago, and his wife (33F) didn't inform my family.

TLDR: My sister in law is ice cold, spent years alienating my brother from his family, didn't bother to inform us that he died in an accident. Oh, she also didn't have a funeral, just a quick cremation. Just found out yesterday that he's dead.

Some background information:

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My sister is law has always been a stuck up bitch. She is quiet, tense and very irritable. There is absolutely no warmth in this woman. She comes from a well-off family and looks down on anybody whose manners aren't up to par with her standards. She's been with my brother since she was 22 and even back then she tried to keep her distance from our family.

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He'd always invite her to family events like weddings, christenings, dinners, and so on, but she'd always reject. The only time she did accompany my brother to a family event was for three seperate funerals, which my brother admitted he had to force her into coming. My family are very loving and outgoing, we love to hug and show each other we care. At my grandpa's funeral 8 years ago, my sister in law behaved strangely the whole time. We told her to sit with us in the front few rows of the church and she refused, giving some half ass excuse like “I didn't know him, I don't need to be involved with this.” so she spent the service sitting at the back of the church by herself. She's just ice cold. After at the house, my aunt tried to offer her a sandwiche, and she kept refusing, my aunt knew that my SIL hadn't eaten anything all day so she kept insisiting that she take a sandwiche, but my SIL kept refusing, until she eventually exploded and batted the sandwiche out of my aunt's hand, saying “I told you I don't want it. Go away.”

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She's way too senstive. I confronted her once and asked what her problem was. She claimed that she knew my family disliked her, saying things like, “It's obvious you don't like me. Why would I want to spend time with people who throw me dirty looks?”

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I'm rambling, but the point is she thinks she's better than everybody. She doesn't like the fact that my family are working class. My brother was perfectly happy being a carpenter at my dad's shop, but then he met her and suddenly being a carpenter wasn't good enough. She filled his head with all types of crap, telling him that he was too young (24 at the time) to settle for a low paying job that he doesn't even like, and that he should do a training course or go to college to find a better career. She ended up enrolling him in some training course and got him a high paying sales job through her nepotism connections. She also encouraged him to lose weight and get fit. He wasn't even fat, just a little pudgy. I don't like how much she changed him. He was still living at home when he met her, but she told him to get his own place or else she'd dump him; so he spent whatever savings he had paying for rent he couldn't even afford just to impress her (this was before his sales job). One time my mother confronted her and said she didn't like how much my brother was changing, my SIL just rolled her eyes and accused us of holding him back from fulfilling his true potential, then she called us uneducated.

Anyway, so they moved away together 7 years ago. During this time, we never saw her, but I'd still call my brother every now and then. Eventually we lost contact and didn't keep in touch much. They didn't even tell us that they had a baby. I only found out four years after a rare christmas call with my brother.

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So the current situation – my brother died. I found out through somebody who used to work with him I couldn't fucking believe it, so my family and I drove down to that bitch's house to get the truth. She straight up admitted that he'd been killed three months ago after falling off his bike and hitting his head. We were all devastated and started crying loudly, to which she repsponded “please keep your voices down. I'm not in the mood for this. It's very late.” We asked her why she didn't invite us to his funeral and she just said there was no funeral, that she just had him creamated privately because she didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

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I said, “He's dead. It is a big deal. Why didn't you tell us he was dead?”

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She shrugged. “I don't know your phone numbers. I was stressed and upset. I didn't want to deal with it. I was going to send you a letter but didn't know if you still lived in the same address. I kept putting it off, I don't know”...........Then she started talking about how none of us had made any effort to stay in contact with him over the years and said sometimes like, “if you didn't care about him when he was alive, why turn up now?”

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I lost my temper and slapped her. The others had to pull me off her. She said she wouldn't call the police as long as I never contact her again. I don't know what to do? What if I want a relationship with my niece in the future? How do I get closure?

Sorry it's long, but I'm just so confused right now. Created a reddit account because I didn't know where else to seek advice.

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Thanks for reading.

Submitted April 27, 2020 at 04:02PM by dimakimadon https://ift.tt/2VGk9iE