I'm [30f] trying to buy a house and my bf [30f] of five years has been stressing me out every single step of the way and objecting to all of my decisions. He doesnt even plan on living there

So I am renting right now and this summer just makes sense to make the move to buying. I understand the market is really uncertain right now but I'm willing to take the risk.

My bf is not ready to move in together (he has good reasons- he bought a house for his parents and is supporting them) but also hasn't given me any definite answers on when we'd get married or engaged. My thinking is I should just live my life, and if he does propose, then consider either renting out what I buy or selling it if we want to go somewhere bigger. I have been looking at properties I feel could be easy to rent out to account for changing circumstances.

My boyfriend is a really great guy and truly goes above and beyond to support me, but I feel he has become very overprotective in the home buying process, especially since he went through this last year and wants to impart his wisdom on me.

First he said I should wait until after coronavirus which is truly not bad advice, but I also have a stable job and interest rates are low, so I figured there was no harm in just seeing what's out there.

He doesn't like that I have a real estate agent. Partly because he is male and doesn't want me hanging out with a guy for hours on end but also because he said working directly with seller's agents could get me 3% off. This has caused tension because I don't know what to look for from a maintenance standpoint at properties, but the agent I've been using has been quick to point out wayer damage, possible repairs, etc. My bf is handy but tbh I dont want to replace him with my agent because I feel like he won't think anything is good enough for me. He said I should at least switch to a female agent but so far the female agents I've found have not been in the business for more than a few years and have been pretty pushy in getting me to work with them.

When I send him properties to look at and ask for his opinion, he waits like days before saying something and then says that something seems too small or too expensive or too far away.

I finally found a property I love and wanted to put in an offer. It's only been on the market a few days (after previously been pending at the asking pricr - buyer financing fell through). My boyfriend was supportive of my decision to offer something, but pleaded with me to offer $20k less than asking or, at the minimum, $10k. He is not really suggesting this so much as commanding me to and it just really really stresses me out. I would really prefer just to offer what I think is fair. I've been watching the market and good properties like the one I'm watching have been going at asking or even above asking. I really want this house (it's walkable to work and a subway station) and asking is in my budget.

My agent put in an offer for asking contingent on inspection, financing, hoa docs, appraisal, and coronavirus complications (my dad approved of that strategy as well) but I feel like my boyfriend is going to go bazerk when I tell him I offered asking. I'm not sure what the best way to go about this is. I think he will also freak out when he realizes I didnt let him look at the offer contract - I had my dad look at it though.

How should I tell him? I usually think sooner is better than later with disclosing big life decisions, but I'm thinking that I maybe just go through the process and tell him after closing or near closing when maybe he will be less emotional. I cant hide my asking price forever since the final price will be public information, but I just cant fathom the thought of sending him inspection results, etc. because I know he will plead with me to haggle lower prices over every minor detail and I just would really rather decide myself when and how to haggle in the event the inspection turns up something. And admittedly I'm avoiding the difficult discussion that will ensue when I tell him I didnt take his advice and offered asking.

Going forward, would it be reasonable for me to completely cut him out of my home buying process? I feel like that's mean because he really is a big part of my life and I want to make sure he is on board with me moving, but he is just causing me so much stress in this.

TL;DR: long term bf has been trying to dictate how I go about buying a home (with overall good intentions I think) and while I want him to be a part of this process, I just feel like I should be mostly doing this my way since he hasn't really given me a definite timeline for our future (he has said he definitely wants to marry, but doesn't know when he will propose.) Will my relationship be worse off if I cut him out of the decisions - basically withhold all details until they are final?

Update: told him I put in an offer and it was accepted and although he did probe me for the price and was sure to remind me that there are closing costs (idk who isn't aware of closing costs before they make a formal offer?), he seemed happy for me after I explained it was something I was really excited about. I think I'm going to give less details throughout the inspection, etc. We still need to talk about his concerns over the agent thing but I'm leaving that for another day for now. There's been a lot of excitement today.

Submitted April 26, 2020 at 11:18AM by rhinosarra https://ift.tt/2SaSILG