My (F22) Fiance (M28) constantly helps out and tip toes around his mom(51) and I don't know if my frustration is reasonable.

My fiance and I have been together for over four years, engaged for over a year and a half now. Throughout our relationship he has always helped his mom when she needed it, which is or now I guess was something that I loved about him. However, during the beginning her ex-husband paid most of the bills and my fiance would pay for just a few things like a case of pop if we were over often or maybe cover an electricity bill when things were tight for her, even if we were struggling to make ends ourselves. Through all of this she has yet to work and the one job she did get spent 4 hours there and left because it was too much for her. I will admit that she has congestive heart failure and is a bigger lady so she struggles at times moving around. Since her and her ex husband split early 2019 my fiance has helped her even more, buying food, paying a lot of her bills, etc.

My frustration didn't start until late 2019 when my fiance's mom yelled at him because his card didn't go through for her insurance after it did the month before. When I mentioned how I felt that her reaction didn't sit well with me, he brushed it off saying that she was just frustrated because she doesn't have the money to pay for it herself. My frustration has only built from there and I've notice little things of how she can never do anything because she doesn't have any money or will get mad at him for buying my a dress or two for valentine's day but didn't get her anything but a shirt, "because she doesnt have money to buy nice clothes." It went as far as him asking me not to tell her about the dresses because she would be mad.

Most recently, he found an apartment across town from where we used to live (right down the hall from her in an apartment complex). We are both excited, especially me because I've wanted to move for over a year but he didn't want to tell his mom because she was already struggling with even just the idea we were looking at an apartment. At that point I couldn't help but say something, telling him it wasn't fair that we had to hide parts of our life to make her happy and protect her.. he did finally tell her a week later and after we had the keys but it still felt like it wasn't important to him.. Her only reaction was how she would have internet... which he had already talked to me about paying for the cheap $20 internet deal (something I was fine with because it was something we talked about).

Since getting the keys and slowly moving in we've used some of our savings to buy a new tv, tv stand, pantry and some other furniture. I've never had a chance to decorate an apartment with someone where its collective ideas, so I have been talking about it non-stop, but he again asked me not to say anything about the extra furniture because she didn't receive a stimulus check because her ex husband claimed her as a dependent and she was already made she wouldn't get that money.

Because of this I've become nearly resentful of the help he give his mom, telling him that I feel like she should be working even if it's a desk or phone job instead of relying on his help. I feel terrible as I tell him this because it's his mom, but at the same time I feel like a lot of the help he gives her is unappreciated because if the help stops or he can't help she gets mad at him.

Do you think I'm overreacting and how should I go forward with handling it?

TL;DR my fiance is always helping his mom out with bills and food but if the help stops she gets mad at him. I've almost become resentful because of this, what should I do?

Submitted April 25, 2020 at 11:16AM by flyaway369 https://ift.tt/3cLfqSA