My SO (M23) and I (F21) have been dating for a little over a year, friends for about a year before that. We're planning to move in together after quarantine and we recently got into an argument.
Right now, he has a much bigger apartment than mine and lots of nice things. I'm barely graduating this semester and he already has his degree/a stable job/no student debt so naturally he is in a better position to afford better stuff. Prior to quarantine I visited him pretty regularly for a couple nights at a time (vs him visiting me) because I really only have one TV, one bedroom, my kitchen is not stocked all the time, and I have three roommates. He lives closer to the city center, alone, has multiple TVs, multiple rooms, a fully stocked kitchen. He is welcome to visit me but he has admitted that my apartment's boring and I'm not near as many activities (ie movie theater, shopping, etc.). We do take turns paying for meals when we go out and I do bring him take out and spend money on gas to visit him so, although we're not equal I wouldn't really say I'm gold-digging.
Anyway, during this argument he said he feels I'm only with him for his stuff and I don't actually love him. I don't know where this feeling comes from and it's news to me as he didn't express this when we signed for an apartment. I offered a roommate agreement (like a pre-nup but not marriage related) and he said no, those don't work. He said trust takes time (which is valid) and he will come around when I've earned it and he feels he can trust me to not take advantage of him. To remedy this, I've stopped sleeping over, showering there, and started bringing food for us to share from local restaurants because I don't want him to feel like I'm using him since I genuinely love him.
The issue: I am the kind of person who considers sex to be an emotional experience and if he doesn't trust me, I don't want to be intimate. He thinks I'm being unreasonable and taking it too seriously but sleeping with someone who doesn't trust me just feels gross. Am I taking it too seriously? Any advice for how to get someone's trust back/get them to stop feeling used when they're financially better off than you are?
edit: tl;dr my so is better off than me financially and I don't want to sleep with him until he trusts me
Submitted April 25, 2020 at 02:27PM by nobodynooneonotatall https://ift.tt/2y2jOOn
No comments:
Post a Comment