Can't find a way to console him. My mother tried (50s). We "kids" tried. I tried. (20F)
He had a daughter when he was 17 years old. My grandparents didn't want him to be a real dad to this daughter, they asked him to not be involved and to move to his uncle place and finish his educations. For what he said, they told him that after the graduation and admission to a good university he could have some contact with his teenage girlfriend and the baby. Well, it never happened.
He did what a lot of teenagers do, which is avoid the issue altogether. He went to uni, got a job and move to a new city. He met my mom, got married and had 3 kids. One day when we were teens he sat us with mom and told us that we have a older sister in another state.
He finally managed to find the mother's Facebook and exchange some messages with her. He show us the picture and we really couldn't denied how similar we all look, she has some of our features like the eyes. They finally decided that he could met her and maybe start a new relationship. We didn't get to go, but we really believed that we would eventually met her and start to know this sister.
She met my father but asked to not to go beyond that only meeting. She wished all the best to all of us and my father was disappointed but convinced that maybe she would warm up to the idea to have a relationship later on.
It never happened.
To add to the normal pain that my father carried, now we discovered that the reason why the mother was not answering was because she passed away last year. One of her friend had access to her FB and sent some messages and close the account. The only way that my dad could check on his daughter was gone. The daughter doesn't have social media.
This friend was kind enough to tell him a bit more about the daughter. On how she dropped out of college to help her mom during her cancer treatment. On how she worked 2-3 jobs to pay some medical bills, treat her mother and pay the rest of the bills. When the mother had a relapse years later, she moved with her again and help her until the last day.
Now this lovely person is in great difficulty, since she is ill and needed surgery and alone. My father found her number and asked to be allowed to be there for her and help her, even financially during this time. She politely said that there was no need.
Now my father is sad and depressed, wondering on his daughter, lashing out on us sometimes, telling us that we are a bunch of spoiled brats (my little brother 18M wanted a new pair of expensive shoes) meanwhile the daughter he left behind was close to poverty, seriously ill and with no family.
My mother is trying to help him, but my mom is a "cold" person sometimes. For her if this woman doesn't want help, we should not despair on this and move on. She always knew about her so it's not like a news for her.
My older brother is the one who feels like we should just go to her and asking the address from the friend and just go and help her. But my father said that this is a 35 years old woman. She doesn't need people mothering her. My brother thinks that if half of the stuff the friends said is true. (close to poverty, major surgery, no great savings, being alone with no friends in a new city, no partner, new pile of medical bills, etc) that we should just go and help her.
Here we are, my father can't get out from this sadness and depressed state. Don't do the same stuff he does, and want to be left alone 50% of the times. Sometimes he hugs us with no reason. (my brother and I are still living at home). Quarantine made him more anxious about his daughter.
How can I help him? How we as a family can help him?
TL;DR
Father had a child when was 17. In the last few years he wanted to re-connect with his daughter but it failed. Now that the daughter has issues but doesn't initiate contact, how we can help him to overcome this situation?
Submitted April 30, 2020 at 02:25PM by pollyquiet https://ift.tt/2yjmx5Y
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