My ex-boyfriend (26m) dumped me (29f) coldly after days of insisting he loved me and we could work through problems (his mother is a factor, she controls his finances)

Just like the title says—I am quarantined at home, and he is at his mother's four hours away. We had been fighting, largely due to the separation I wouldn't pretend that we didn't have problems, because we did, and some of them were my fault, and I took responsibility for them. But he told me that he saw a 'future' together just a few weeks ago, wanted to live with me, etc. Just a few days ago he assured me that we could "talk through any issue."

I think his mother is a major factor—she's very difficult, thrice divorced and about to marry a man 15 years younger than her (they got engaged after 3 months of dating). She has never liked me. When we first met, she looked me up and down and said "well, here you are." No hello, no kind words.

Ex-BF has Bipolar I, and mother claims that as a result he cannot have his own bank account, including a savings account, or credit cards. He has a debit card with his name on it, linked to her account, and that's it. She withheld tuition money from him when I encouraged him to get his own savings account (we're both graduate students). She doesn't even allow him to have either his auto insurance or health insurance cards, or even online login info, even though he lives in our major city four hours from her. When he got towed last year, he had to call her for help, because he didn't have his insurance; she had to fax it to the tow company. I was telling my friends this last night (post breakup) and they freaked out, said that it was incredibly scary that she would control him like that. I had long accepted his excuses (he's bipolar, of course she would take this step, is what he told me). So in a way, bullet dodged there?

Here is what I truly don't understand, the real killer—the day of the breakup (yesterday) he woke me with a picture of his dogs. Told me that he loved me and missed me. Then later in the afternoon he asked if he could call me on the phone. During the breakup call, he told me that he hadn't loved me for a while—so he lied about loving me, which seems just unfathomable for him, or anyone? He was profoundly cold and terse during the conversation. He got angry with me at one point, when I "interrupted" him (I was crying). During the breakup he seemed like a completely different person than the one I had known.

We are still talking, because we're in the same graduate program and need to be on civil terms. During a text conversation he forwarded me 19 screenshots of my own texts, meant for one of his friends. He said he wanted "input" from the friend (but he had already broken up with me??) I don't know what to believe, at this point. I certainly can't trust this person.

Again, we had problems, but he's acting like this was some obvious choice— he said he wants to "just move on." We had had no prior discussion of ending things, no break or series of talks. I'm just deeply hurt and flabbergasted. It's like I never knew him. I just don't understand why he went about things in this way—pretended that things were ok, said he loved me, and then took it all back. It seems very cruel, but maybe I am missing something?

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tl;dr Boyfriend dumped me after a days of saying he loved me, missed me, we could work through anything. Did it coldly and angrily, which is what I don't understand. Mother is probably a factor because she's very controlling/possibly financially abusive and seemed to deeply dislike me.

Submitted April 29, 2020 at 01:08PM by Iloveyoubequiet https://ift.tt/2y2ESEB