I [20sF] think my mom's [late 40sF] new boyfriend [late 40sM] got her into an even cultier version of Mormonism.

Skippable Context:

I wrapped up my degree just this month while living at home. I'm in the process of looking for work, but, as you can imagine, it's rough. I'm stuck here til I can get a job in my field.

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The "Good Stuff":

My [mid 20sF] parents [late 40sF, late 40sM] divorced 5 or 6 years ago because my dad was an emotionally abuse asshole who cheated on my mom with some chick at a bar. Following the divorce, my mom's the happiest she's ever been. She even reconnected with a close high school friend, after falling into social isolation during the marriage.

Since the divorce, my mom never actively put herself out into the dating scene. She's amazingly sweet and caring, but told me she was too concerned with her self-image to date. About eight months ago, she reconnected with another high school friend over Facebook, BF [late 40sM].

BF is also a sweet and caring guy. He's a professional musician that plays for a local fine arts organization and does woodworking in his spare time. He's been divorced twice, and has three adult children. He's pretty soft-spoken. When I first met him, I got the air that something was "off".

He was... withdrawn in a weird way. Like, he'd talk, but it felt like everything he said was testing me, or was so outrageous I honestly couldn't tell if he was kidding or not.  

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He asks me to say a prayer at dinner (knowing I'm not religious) and says things like "Oh, I'll get out of the kitchen because I know [msfoxtrott] hates me." When the dogs need attention, he ""jokingly"" says to kick them, hit them, or let them out the front door and into the street. One of my red flag moments was when BF said he loved to listen to Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh. I balked and asked, "Are you serious?" He was.

An aside on my mom's political views. My mom is a Democrat with two LGBT kids and deep compassion for her family. She's never believed in conspiracy theories. She loves our dogs almost as much as her kids. She had argument after argument with her own mother, my grandma, during every elections cycle about how Fox News was bad for Grandma. My amazing mother kept emphasizing how important it is to check your sources, verify where it's coming from, examine for bias, etc. And she was cuddled up with this dude? Super weird.

They texted a lot, hung out, flirted, had loud sex I could hear because my room is right underneath my mom's, felt guilty for having sex outside of marriage even though that was NEVER a value in this house, had more sex, decided to stop having sex, and officially became boyfriend/girlfriend after like, two months. (Throughout their relationship, my mom's best friend felt alienated by how close my mom and BF were, so, guess who got to hear the details of her mother's sex life? And the sex life itself?)

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Now, for the religion bit. My mom was raised Mormon by a family who only went to church to keep up appearances  My family tried to do the whole organized religion thing for the first two years of my life. Didn't work; parents were sick of how judgmental the community was. We never went again.

BF comes into my mom's life, and introduces an off-shoot of the Mormon religion that he and his children have been following for a couple years. I haven't been able to get a name for it. From my conversations with my mom, it's basically Mormonism, but smaller. Sure, yeah. As long as you're happy and won't disown your LGBT kids, Mom, go for it, I guess.

One night, she sits me down, and tells me her long-term plans: she and BF move into the mountains with the rest of their church members and sustain themselves on their own farms and their own schoolhouses.

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"I know it sounds like a cult," she said.

YEAH, NO SHIT.

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According to the religion BF introduced her to, God is calling them to build a community. They need to move out into the middle of nowhere, presumably in the mountains, and start their own community centered around the church. They need to become as self-sufficient as possible. When the world ends, which WILL BE within their lifetime, only true believers (whether or not they're in these communities, though the story has switched since the last time she told it to me) will eventually ascend to heaven.

Her greatest wish is that I, my siblings, and our family (her brother, my grandparents, etc) move with her out into this community so we can spend eternity in heaven together. During one conversation, I could see her start to cry at the idea that I wouldn't be with her in heaven.

My mom has killed every garden she's touched, and called farm animals gross. The last time she went to church was when I was, like, 3. Now she's buying books on self-sufficiency, doing all sorts of research, and has officially invited my uncle to come with them to this religious commune, whenever it's built.

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She has suddenly become all about the rights of family members to spend time together. She's invited BF and his kids over *throughout* quarantine to get-together. Earlier this week, she went to a party at his ex's. Just today, they had a whole-ass barbecue at our house. My mom wanted it to be my graduation party, as I'd recently gotten my Bachelor's. I told her that if it was for me, I wouldn't be there, because it wasn't a good idea. She decided to throw the graduation party for BF's daughter, instead. (With my favorite dessert as the featured dessert, and I know that's petty, but it still hurt.)

We had a blow-out argument over text when she was planning the barbecue because I was so upset. These are copy-pasted straight from my text app.

>Me: I can't believe you're suggesting a barbecue when we're dealing with a literal pandemic and there's a pregnant asthmatic woman* in the house.

>Me: You've always been such a compassionate person. I'm very disappointed.

*: My sister (20F) had recently moved back in while she and her husband (20M) were between apartments.

>Mom: I haven't changed.  I am looking at the pandemic a bit more objectively though.  More and more information is coming out and we're getting closer to the true numbers and they're not nearly what they claimed they were at first.  This isn't going anywhere and it's going to be at least a year before there's a vaccine if not longer.  Somehow we have to figure out how to go on living life without giving up our freedom to be with family.

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Addendum

I let this sit in my notes for a week, trying to figure out whether or not I wanted to post it. Since then, we've had a few more fights. I told my mom I loved her and would always be there for her. We had a few hugs. I've cried a lot.

Today, BF comes over while we're all having dinner. Here's the first thing he says, verbatim:

BF: So. I heard on NPR today that only people who've had COVID will be able to buy gas and groceries. The people who haven't had COVID won't be able to. The way the government tells if you've had it or not, is that you'll be *microchipped*.

Not gonna lie. I saw red. I waited til he went to the restroom to have this conversation, roughly, with my mom.

Me: That's fucking ridiculous. There's no way NPR would've run that.

Mom: How do you know?

Me, aghast: They're *NPR*. That's a conspiracy theory against the Gates Foundation.

Mom: Well, how do you know it's just a theory?

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TL;DR Mom's attitudes and beliefs have changed significantly since hooking up with a guy. I'm super worried she's in a cult, or, at the very least, an abusive relationship.

What can I do?

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EDIT: Changed formatting.

Submitted April 29, 2020 at 07:02PM by MsFoxTrott https://ift.tt/3fa6XdR