I know what many of you will be thinking from the title of this. Believe me, I agree with you. I have always thought dating a coworker is a spectacularly bad idea. I still do. That’s why I need help getting over this crush, because it has gripped me like nothing else.
I started work at a new job three months ago. My relationship of six years also ended about five months ago. It has been hard. I still care for my ex boyfriend deeply, but not romantically anymore (it’s too much to get into why here). He and I had planned on getting married, and I truly saw my future with him, but I was actually the one who ended things. I’m a social person and have a lot of friends, and I normally would lean on them, but with the COVID epidemic I haven’t been able to go out with them. Thankfully, I’m an essential worker, so I get to go in to work every day.
I have a coworker, let’s call him “Julian.” Julian is...wow. He is everything I’ve ever wanted in a boyfriend and more. He’s kind, incredibly polite, very considerate and warm, cultured, intelligent, creative, funny...the list goes on and on. He has such a gentle nature and is so sweet to me. We are both scientists, but he is the first scientist I’ve met who loves art, music, and culture as much as I do, and I feel I really bond with him over that. He’s former military, but a very sensitive and sweet guy, and the things he’s seen in the past have left a deep impact on him, making him a staunch pacifist. We have such similar social and political views (both very progressive), and he is so worldly and eager to learn about anything and everything. We have amazing conversations about all sorts of subjects and have become quite close, especially since we’re on a very small team working on a stressful project together. We also sit next to each other. He started working for our company soon before I did, and he moved from far away to come here. He just recently got out of a serious relationship, as well. I understand we both might have become fast friends due to some loneliness.
It is so hard for me, as I want to be seen as professional and serious in my new job, and when it comes to my work, I am. However, I have such strong feelings for Julian, and since he and I usually eat lunch together and chat at our desks, I’m terrified of rumors starting. The last thing I want is to be underestimated or seen as overly emotional (even though I am a sensitive and emotional person). As a young woman in science I am keenly aware of how easily I can be judged for this. However, I have never had so much in common with someone before, and that scares me, because I feel such a strong attraction to him. It’s much more than just looks, though he’s very handsome- I’m really attracted to his mind and kindness. I have never before met a man who is so kind to everyone he meets, and so infallibly polite. We are also of the same cultural background, my father and his grandparents are from the same country, and I have never dated a man from my background before, but I feel understood by him on that level, too.
I see nothing good coming of this. I have a lot of baggage (I have severe vaginismus, so I can’t have penetrative sex at the moment. I realize for many men this is a dealbreaker, and I can’t bear to think of how hurt I’ll be if I’m rejected by Julian). Even though he is so incredibly far out of my league, I can sense he has some interest in me as well, but I just don’t see our trajectories overlapping I’m the future. I think he wants a very nomadic life, whereas I want a very stable, steady, even boring one. How can I stop myself from feeling so strongly for him?
TL;DR: I have a big crush on my coworker and I need to squash it. Please help me.
Submitted April 27, 2020 at 05:08PM by LovesickScientist https://ift.tt/35d0Pws
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