Hello! I can't help but feel unworthy of having my marriage with my husband. When we had first gotten together, he had a friend who would constantly intervene in our relationships, going so far as to fabricate lies about me cheating on my husband (who was my husband at the time). He would go around my husband's place of work, telling people he was only marrying me so he could live off base (my husband is in the military). I've never met this man before in my life, and I can't think of anything that I could've done to have earned that kind of hostility from him. My husband assures me that he's no longer friends with him and that his "pal" had only made up such things because he was upset to no longer have a friend to go partying with. Still, it hurt me quite a bit. He would come home, irritated because of what his coworkers would say on base. This was the first instance where I didn't feel good enough to be with my husband.
Another, of many, was when I was attending a party with my husband. I was nervous as hell -- the people going were a bunch of his coworkers. Dumb as it may sound, I thought this was my time to redeem myself? And in turn make my husband feel less stressed? I was fixing my husband a drink and brought it out into the garage for him when one of our mutual buddies asked if I wanted to do a keg stand. I thought everyone had done it, because everyone was pressuring me into doing it. In all honesty, I'm supposed to be comfortable declining, but I felt like I couldn't say no with all that pressure. So, I did a really quick one. I was barely off the ground. My first and only one, ha. I felt immediate embarrassment having all those eyes on me, and I skirted my way back inside when the attention had shifted elsewhere.
My husband was pissed. He told me that none of the other wives had done the keg stand and that I embarrassed him by participating. I felt so inferior. Yet he told me he, and nearly everyone else, did one? It sounds so childish looking back on it now to be so anxious over this, but knowing that he's embarrassed by me when I do everything I can to make him proud -- cleaning, working, going to school, cooking, being faithful and cherishing him -- hurts. A lot. I love this man to death, but I feel like he was being a bit hypocritical. I had no idea the other wives didn't do that. I would never, ever intentionally do something that I thought may embarrass him. I'm sorry this post is so long. Am I in the wrong here? How can I overcome this sense of shame and embarrassment? And sorry if this is a stupid post, haha.
Thank you for reading!
TL;DR - My husband is embarrassed of me, even though I try my hardest to take care of him and not embarrass myself. How do I get over this shame?
Submitted April 29, 2020 at 02:38PM by mooncroon https://ift.tt/2VPe4QZ
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