Ok...so this argument just happened and I’m needing some advice on how to productively talk with him about this. This might seem like a silly topic but the results left me feeling quite hurt actually. We’ve been dating for about 9 months now.
My bathroom in my apartment is under construction so I don’t have access to a shower starting this morning. This morning I went with my BF to his place to go do some work and escape the noise and also use his shower.
I just planned to put on the same thing I was wearing, a summer dress, but after showering I hand washed my underwear in the sink and brought them to his room to hang dry.
He started acting weird so I asked him what’s on his mind but he wouldn’t say anything but was acting very standoffish towards me. He suggested he just take me back to my place, so I started gathering my items. He goes, “forgetting something?” And points to my underwear that were drying on the back of a chair in his room.
I said oh yeah thanks, and grabbed them and put them in my pocket since they were still damp. I explained I washed them since I’d worn them and was just waiting for them to air dry.
We get in the car and that’s when he tells me, “it just makes me uncomfortable when you don’t wear underwear.”
I was thoroughly caught off guard by this. He goes on to say that he doesn’t know if it’s my mindset of being overly sexual and his mindset isn’t, but it bothers him knowing I’m going out without underwear (this is the first I’ve ever heard of him calling me “overly sexual”). He brought up another instant where I went out without underwear to pick up something at the store. I just threw clothes on without underwear and went out to grab an item and come back home. This apparently really bothered him. He said being cheated on in the past in other relationships just makes me wonder if I don’t wear underwear what other things do I do that are promiscuous like this. He said, and you’re going home to workers in your house not even wearing underwear. He finished with I’m not trying to control you or your body, you do you but this is how I feel about this.
Now I 99% of the time wear underwear when I go out into public with the rare exception here and there or when I wear tight pants like yoga pants. I understand people have personal preferences on this, I personally don’t have an opinion on it but I most of the time wear underwear. I also realize wearing a dress is questionable in this situation, but I was literally just planning on hanging at home and working, not going out or anything besides him dropping me back off at home.
I first asked what he means by other promiscuous things he suspects I’ve been doing ? I’ve been sheltering in place! Sometimes I lounge at home in the privacy of my home in clothes but not panties or bra, is that considered promiscuous to him? I’m just working from home or hanging out here. Of all people too, I would consider my boyfriend #1 for who I can hang out around at home with no undies on.
This argument felt like he was really just putting some insecurities onto me that I don’t feel are fair. I’m a loyal girlfriend and am in love with this guy. Honestly, I’m infatuated with him and would never even think of cheating.
I pointed out that I almost always wear underwear anyways and he asked why I didn’t just bring a change of clothes to wear since I’d be showering. I didn’t really know how to answer it, I didn’t expect to be rushed out his house so quickly and I thought I’d have time for my panties to dry.
I started getting emotional bc it hurt to be accused that he even worries about infidelity with me. I also felt really embarrassed and awkwardish to have him label me as overly sexual. I don’t take overly sexual as an insult but it felt like he was using it as an insult towards me. I told him that while he doesn’t “want to control my body” by telling me this, I think it’s kind of inherent in his argument and that no he doesn’t get to tell me what I should wear. And that I’m upset he’s using something so trivial as a reason to question my promiscuity.
He dropped me off and I said thanks for the ride I’ll make sure to put my chastity belt on when I get in since there’s workers in there. I know I’m just kicking the hornets nest and this wasn’t productive but I was upset.
He hasn’t reached out since it happened but my minds racing with his insecurity about this. I feel mad and sad at the same time, it sucks to be put in an accusatory position of “whatever else I might be doing when he’s not there.”
Tldr; bf told me it makes him uncomfortable when I don’t wear panties and alluded this to me being promiscuous, even though I rarely don’t wear panties.
Edit: I want to say I don’t think I handle it as best I could. I think he’s entitled to an opinion but not that this has anything to do with me being overly sexual or overly promiscuous, or that he gets to tell me to wear underwear or not. I know this is coming from a place of insecurity from him which is why I’d like to be able to talk and address that with him. He sometimes doesn’t wear underwear either lol! He’s also not super conservative sexually which would in other circumstances maybe be a reason I could for something like this but he’s not that at all.
Edit2: first contact from him is a text “Sorry I have triggers from other things”.
Submitted April 22, 2020 at 01:38PM by dropdeadfez https://ift.tt/2yA40lW
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