I posted this in another sub, but it got removed because it was about a relationship, it was initially an AITA, but now I just want to know how I could handle this type of situation if (god forbid) im put in it again.
This happened months ago, and has since been resolved, but it was brought up again recently.
X - EX
MF - Mutual Friend
This is a Throwaway.
So, like the title says, I(28M) did not reveal who a certain person was, that told me some sensitive info about my ex(23F).
Just a little BG. X and I split up a couple months ago, it was mutual, but not the best breakup. We were coming up to our 4th anniversary, and we were having some issues(which couple doesn't after almost 4yrs?). So because of this I wanted to do something very special for her. I planned an entire weekend full of fun things, and as well as breakfast and dinner reservations at some of her favorite spots. I even booked a room on the beach, where I was going to pop the question. She had absolutely no idea.
Well, about a month before it was going to happen, she totally blindsided me with saying that a big group of her friends were coming to visit, ON OUR WEEKEND. Now, I didn't get mad at first, but then she told me that she planned it w/ them for that specific weekend. And after asking her to please reconsider, I was even trying to plan around it so that way we could still have our anniversary and she could still see her friends after, she didn't budge. She wouldn't even consider it. Then all of the sudden ten years flashed in front of my eyes and I just saw a miserable future, not just for myself, but for the both of us. So now that's why she's my ex and not my fiancée.
After our split, a few weeks go by and I'm chatting w/ a different mutual friend, and they casually bring up how I felt about X and MF. I was confused and asked them to elaborate, come to find found out she slept w/ MF 2 days after we split. I was more upset than angry, then I was angry, then I was sad. And tbh, if it had been some random guy, I honestly would've let it go, but the fact that I considered this guy a good friend, and she multiple times expressed how unattractive she thought he was, and how she would never sleep w/ him, and that she thought he was creepy, is what really did it in for me. Now, before anyone blames the one friend for telling me this, they were 100% under the idea that I knew, because that's what they were told. They were in no way trying to be malicious towards X or MF.
So I asked X about it, because we had planned to try and stay friends, MF as well, but I couldn't just be in the same room as them, knowing what I knew, so I felt I at least needed to talk to her about it, and SHE WENT OFF. Asking how I knew, who told me, the whole 9. I refused to tell her, stating its not important. This went on for days. She says I shouldn't even be mad because we were broken up(agreed), and I tried to use that argument with her, saying what if I slept with so and so, and she said that would never happen, so and so would never sleep with me, and I said she told me the same thing about MF and look what happened. She also went on the say how he and I weren't even that close(he personally called me a great friend of his) blah blah blah. During this, her friends are texting me saying I need to tell her, I'm causing a rift in the friend group, I'm an asshole for finding out(I wasn't even trying to find out in the first place). Total shitstorm.
After a while, it dies down. X and I have a talk and I told her, out of respect for the other people, I won't tell her who it was. She accepts this. Well, a few days ago it was brought up by someone who wasn't a part of this, but he said that I was a complete asshole for not saying who it was that told, I politely invited him to fuck off, and not bring up things he had no hand in.
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TL;DR I didn't tell my ex which friend told me about her sleeping with a mutual friend, and am wondering if I did the right thing.
Submitted March 05, 2020 at 05:40PM by tossingitout2020 https://ift.tt/2wzr9Ui
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