Long post: Tl;dr at bottom
So my girlfriend and I have only had sex probably once in the past year. We've been dating for 2.5 years. When we first got together, we'd have sex all the time. Couple times a day, minimum a handful of times a week. The sex was amazing for both of us. Best sex we've both had. Both are into the same things sexually, so it made for a lot of fun.
Then as time went on, it slowly fizzled into literally nothing.
During the course of our relationship, things haven't been so perfect. My business and investments fell apart and I basically lost everything but the basic stuff. So finances changed, but still everything was fine ish. On top of that she had health problems, her throat was messed up and doctors still never found out what was wrong with her. So for about a year and a half she struggled with just eating any types of food. So all oral sex was halted around the start of that.
In the past 9 months or so she has had irregular periods due to her birth control and didn't want to have sex for that reason(although we used to have sex when she was on her period). So to me it was just an easy out for us to not have sex.
Occasionally I'll make a joke or mention something about us needing/wanting to have sex and she'll just shut down. Instantly goes quiet, and stops the conversation. I will literally sit there and say "okay, well I guess that's a no" or "okay well guess that doesn't matter to you" or anything along those lines and she'll change the topic or insert any generic excuse there as to why we aren't having sex at that moment. I feel like she shuts down because she can't tell me "I don't want to have sex with YOU" like when your annoying friend is doing something and asks why your annoyed but you don't have the heart to tell them it's their actions causing this.
I'm a highly sexual guy. I could have sex everyday and that would be great.
The other week, I made a joke that was pertaining to what we were watching and after me poking and prodding her with questions after she "shut down" again. Directly asking why we aren't having sex, she basically said "I don't want to feel like I'm being forced to have sex". But once again, that answer felt like it was pertaining to us not having sex right that second. Because the joke I made was something like babe, I got a warrant from a judge, it says we need to have sex or else we both go to jail. There's never been any incident of forced anything or feeling forced in the past.
In August, I told her "babe, I really need to have sex with my GF, it's been a really long time and I'm getting boners all the time and I'm tired of jacking off occasionally". She basically said I'm doing something right now that should take a couple hours, so go run your errands and when we're both finished we can have sex. I was stoked I thought I was finally getting laid. Well turns out her thing took like 5 hours and never got completed so guess what? Didn't have sex.
So, what do I do Reddit fam? Ive already tried talking to her jokingly, talking to her seriously. She's become physically distant from me when it comes to sex. I scratch her back every night but she doesn't want to cuddle because I feel like she thinks I will try and make a sexual move on her.
I feel like she just doesn't want to have sex with me and I'm not okay with that in a committed relationship. In all of my past relationships, whether serious girlfriends or dating, when the sex dies down, usually the relationship does too and then you're just in one because that's what you're used to.
What do I do to get her to want to have sex with me?
TL;DR Haven't had sex with my long term girlfriend except maybe once in a year when we used to have a fantastic sex life. We've had ups and downs relationship and health wise but I'm tired of the reasons. How do I get her to want to have sex with me or how do I convey to her that I am not okay with this?
Submitted May 03, 2019 at 01:20PM by bathtublounger http://bit.ly/2IWOepf
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