I (F20s) think I’m stalking my boyfriend’s (M20s) ex (F20s) and it feels like I literally can’t stop

Apologies if this is in the wrong sub. My bf and I have been dating for over two years; it’s very serious and we talk about our future together frequently. However I don’t know if he’s aware of the extent to which I’m obsessed with his ex girlfriend. I recognize my feelings are unhealthy but I’m not sure what to do.

If it’s helpful, they dated for ~1.5 years and broke up just before we got to know each other. They spoke semi regularly until she threatened to commit suicide after a subsequent relationship of hers ended (maybe 6 months into our relationship). After making sure she was okay, he decided that contact with her was far too emotionally draining and obstructing his other relationships, so he told her he didn’t feel comfortable continuing texting / talking on the phone. To my knowledge, they have not been in contact since.

And yet, even though she and my boyfriend have long drifted apart, I am obsessed with this woman. I cannot explain the degree to which she preoccupies my thoughts. I cannot bear to think about things I imagine things she might enjoy. If my boyfriend talks about an interest of his that I imagine she shares, I feel so bitter and disgusted that my night is ruined. I of course regularly scroll through her social media (which she never posts on), but have also uncovered literally everything online that might exist about her: untagged photos of her on Twitter; her parents’ jobs; the value of her family’s home; her sibling’s contributions to a literary magazine; her current best friend’s new fiancé’s arrest record........ it goes on an on. Sometimes I think about her during sex — not because I’m attracted to her, but just because I wonder how we compare sexually. When I met his parents for the first time, I couldn’t get her out of my mind, wondering if we had the same conversations, if we sat on the same side of the table, etc. I’ve frequented locations I expect to find her, set up fake social media accounts to friend her, and today, found myself researching the price of a private investigator to learn more about her. And I don’t know WHY.

It fills me with the greatest fucking rush — I feel sick in my stomach, dizzy even — to dig up all this meaningless information, about someone who is not even tangentially related to me at this point, and I’m not sure how to stop it. I don’t want to reduce myself of blame, but it feels out of my control. It’s like something inside of me, separate from me, is compelling be to be this crazy. I’ve asked about her a couple of times to my boyfriend, and he’s always pretty vague and disengaged when it comes to discussing her. And I completely understand why. What I don’t understand is why I’m letting this affect my life.

If anyone has any insight into why this is happening, or advice to make myself chill the fuck out, please let me know. Thank you so much for reading.

Tl;dr: obsessed with boyfriend of two years’ ex girlfriend, to the extent that I nearly hired a private investigator to follow her around. I’m unsure why I feel so compelled to do this or how to stop.

Submitted May 30, 2019 at 11:07PM by zonapellucida3 http://bit.ly/2JPPXwW