I (30M) would like advice on how to handle the relationship with my sister (35F) after she threatened and tried to assault my pregnant, disabled wife (30F).

I need advice on how appoach a conflict between my sister and my family.

My sister was having a lot of trouble with her husband. He left her and was living with another woman in another state and was not taking care of their daughter at all. My wife and I stepped in and helped with whatever my sister needed during this time. My wife was my sisters closest confidant during this time and my sister had my wife read really graphic conversations between her husband and this other woman which made my wife really uncomfortable around her husband.

Then like 6 months passed and my sister and her husband patched things up. His father died and the fantasy that living with a different woman would somehow be perfect faded into reality after those 6 months. My sister was basically demanding that everyone welcome him back into the family immediately and treat him with the utmost respect. My family sweeps everything under the rug, so most people went along with it. My wife was supportive of my sister getting back with her husband if that’s what she wanted to do, but my wife did not feel comfortable around him and said it would take her some time to be.

First, almost immediately after he came back, we were having a family party and said we didn’t want him to come over. My sister snapped. She started rage texting- calling my wife every name in the book and saying she wasn’t going to respect my wife if we couldn’t respect her husband. My wife felt my sister was projecting her anger that she was feeling towards her husband on us because they never really dealt with it- they just pretended like it never happened. My wife was also super pregnant and had a disability that was causing her tremendous pain during her pregnancy so she was at a point where she just didn’t want to deal with the drama.

Fast forward a couple months, we hadn’t talked to my sister or resolved anything. My sister never reached out to apologize for going nuts on my wife and we didn’t reach out either, so we didn’t invite her to our baby shower. We really just wanted to avoid drama. You will read how well that went in a min.

Up until this point we had avoided seeing each other anywhere. We made sure when we went to my moms house that my sister wasn’t around. On this particular day- maybe a week after our baby shower- we missed a text from my mom saying to wait to come over because my sister was almost at her house. We arrived at about the same time and my sister lost her mind. She was pissed we didn’t invite her to the baby shower and she was not handling her emotions well. We were inside my moms house and in front of her daughter and our other niece she was screaming profanity at my wife. She charged at my almost 9 month pregnant wife who needed a cane to walk at the time.

It was aggressive to the point where my mother and I had to restrain her and then she told my wife she hoped she had a miscarriage that day, basically saying she wanted my daughter to die because she was very much capable of living outside my wife by that point. My wife stayed calm and did not escalate with my sister. My wife was trying to put the kids in a separate room so they did not see my sister going insane. My wife almost called 911 when my sister ran at her to assault her, but we managed to leave. Afterwards my sister continued to snap- she threw a metal water bottle towards my moms head and put a hole in the wall. My other sister was studying for one of her graduate classes when my mom called her and told her what was happening. She was scared for her young daughter who was there and called the police.

Fast forward 2 years, and my sister has never met my 2 year old. My wife made it clear after this happened that she has no interest in ever being around my sister again because she believes she has an undiagnosed mental illness or at the very least needs some serious counseling/anger management. She does not believe that my sister is a safe person to be around our children. Recently we found out we are having another child.

My crazy sister reached out through my other sister with a long apology via text because we refuse to see her and we have her blocked. Now that she apologized I’m hoping we can at least get on a civil level so we can see our niece. However, with my wife being pregnant again and with what my sister said about our daughter, my wife has made it very clear that she does not want to have any interaction with my sister or have her around our children unless she gets psychological help. My wife doesn’t care if I talk to my sister if I want to, but I don’t know if my sister will let me take my niece to meet my daughter unless my wife makes an effort to talk to her too or allows my sister to see my daughter.

I’m just not sure what the right move is here. I helped raise my niece because her dad was a lousy father when she was little, so I miss her a lot and I want my niece to know my kids. Do I bother reaching out to my sister if my wife doesn’t want anything to do with her anyways? I feel bad that my kids will miss out on time with cousins and family events because my wife doesn’t want them around my sister, but I also completely understand the reasoning behind it. We don’t live nearby anymore, so at this point it’s more of a once/twice a year or big family event issue.

Side notes: - My family is Islamic and it’s common within the family to try and mend relationships no matter the issue For example, cheating and domestic abuse isn’t a reason for divorce. Divorce is allowed, but strongly discouraged and looked at as shameful for a woman- such bs. - I do not follow same practices and do not condone the behavior - My wife and I also do not tolerate abuse or allow children to witness such incidents - Having grown up with my sister and continuously experiencing her episodes throughout her adolescent years, I’m more accustomed to her craziness and behavior than my wife - My mother supports any decisions that we decide to do but constantly tries to mend the relationship between both parties because she thinks life is to short even though she cyclically does not speak to my sister and has said she believes she needs to be medicated

TL;DR my wife, unborn child and I were threatened and almost assaulted by my sister 2 years ago and she finally decided to reach out to apologize

Submitted May 30, 2019 at 11:29PM by DeZi_xP http://bit.ly/2Xh3QHy