I’m male 39, she’s well female,29 and we’ve been together for ten years married six.
She makes me feel like an asshole all the time lately when she really has nothing to complain about with me. I do most of the cooking, I do basically all the housework (if I’m lucky she will empty the dishwasher once in a while), all the trash (she won’t even change a bag) I take care of our dog and two cats (cats were her idea and she’s never cleaned a litter box), I do the outside yard work, I even do my own laundry in addition to the sheets, towels, and stuff like that. She does her own laundry. I basically do everything and anytime I ask for her to do something I’m given attitude.
I had always given her slack before because she had shitty jobs that didn’t pay well and required long hours so she wasn’t home that much. So being a team I picked up more because that’s what I would want somebody to do for me. And I did it happily for the most part.
Before we lived together I was on my own so it was nothing for me to take care of the whole house because if I didn’t, it didn’t get done.
But now we work the same hours and we also have a four month old and things have just gotten worse. Now in addition to having to do all the daily house work and not getting much thank you for it because she would be fine because a messy house with trash everywhere doesn’t bother her, now anytime I forget something or don’t do something she expects me to do all hell breaks loose and I’m an asshole.
Take yesterday for example. Now she’s been breast feeding by pumping and since she’s gone back to work the supply has dwindled to nothing because she doesn’t pump as much as she used to. I drop off and pick up our child from my mom who is watching him while we are at work everyday. I was extremely distracted yesterday when I got home because of a last minute drainage tile project and rain coming. Because of that I forgot that our baby didn’t finish one of his bottles and I left it in the diaper bag which ruined the milk. Now it was two ounces which doesn’t sound like a lot but is for a struggling breastfeeder. I fully admit that I forgot about it, but she knows that the bottles are there too. So while I’m outside digging and getting soaked in sweat and rain and making an emergency trip to the nearest home improvement store for more tile the milk went bad.
But this is how things have been lately and I’m growing increasingly frustrated. If I’m up at four in the morning rocking the baby in the living room and he’s crying I’m not trying hard enough. Hell that goes for 8,9, or 10 in the morning. She likes to sleep in, I have a hard time being able to do anything on the weekends before noon because of the noise I make. She’s actually accused me of letting the baby cry to wake her up.
I also get tired of her not doing anything on her own for herself around the house. If she’s hungry she waits until I make something, or suggests I make something even though I might not be hungry. I recently wasn’t feeling very well and suggested she could make grilled cheese(I got a hot pocket because grilled cheese was too much). Another night I didn’t feel like cooking because I had been doing the laundry, trash, litter boxes, etc so I asked her to just make Mac and cheese and chicken patties. Basically that’s boiling water and stirring pasta. That was like I was asking her to cure cancer.
I tried voicing my frustrations a few weeks ago when she was mad at me for something, so I made some counter points which must have been too much to take because she got even more angry and walked away from the conversation. This has become the norm too whenever I speak up about something.
TL:DR So I’m frustrated about being blamed for every inconvenience she incurs and frustrated that I am not being heard when I try to voice that frustration. I’m trying to get us back on the same page but not seeing her meeting me half way. Little advice? Thanks.
Submitted May 29, 2019 at 06:13AM by paco801 http://bit.ly/2KcxMkc
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