Help! Am I [M/31] being emotionally abusive when I tell my GF [F/29] I don't want to hang out when emotions are running high like during fights/etc.?

Context:

We've been together for about 10 months now, and we fit each other super well in just about every way except when we fight or one of us gets emotional. My response to these situations or generally when I'm upset is to say that I don't want to hang out, or to put myself out of the situation. This is where the big fights/escalations/problems happen though, because my girlfriend thinks that this is me bailing and running. She thinks that no matter how hard the situation is or emotional or anything, me saying that I don't want to see her is never okay because that's me bailing.

Example/Most Recent Scenario:

• She works a ton and is generally really busy with work and she told me that she wanted to make plans to come over today and work together from my place today. She worked a ton yesterday and tried to make it work, but she is usually pretty bad with time management and something took a long time with work today. So, she called to tell me that we have to change plans because she mismanaged her time. she'll be pressed for time coming over to my place, but she wants to see me. I can come to her and have more time or she can come to my place and have less time.

• I get frustrated and upset because she changes plans very often and I just have to go along with it. It seems like a lose lose situation. I'm annoyed at having to suddenly change all my plans to come see her, but also, because her coming here means we'll both be pressed for time and annoyed.

• I tell her that I don't want to hang out because I feel like I'm going to be just grumpy. she tells me that my response is me being a baby.

• I hang up on her because I get even more upset because I feel like my feelings don't matter. I just have to swallow all of it and still go hang out, even when I don't particularly feel like it.

• Things escalate/downward spiral because she thinks I'm bailing because I don't want to hang out. I think she is not respecting my feelings and letting me handle it how I want and be respectful of it.

Question/Need for Input:

• Am I being emotionally abusive in saying that I don't want to hang out? She says that my silence and anger and not hanging out is not an acceptable way to fix things and that she can't be on emotional standby and feel guilty when I tell her I don't want to hang out. Is that fair?

This has become such an issue that we can't seem to move forward. I would really appreciate any and all insight and input and perspective. Thanks.

TL;DR:

Gf and I have different approaches to handling emotional situations/fights. I don't want to hang out when I'm upset. She says that's me bailing and running away and putting her on emotional standby. What do you guys think?

Submitted May 28, 2019 at 01:43PM by Flamelle http://bit.ly/2HId0ax