I have been with my boyfriend since I was 19 and he was 21. Deeply in love, sexually compatible, musicians, travel the world together, the whole shebang. However, we never got married. Neither of us cared much about it to be honest. We knew we were in love and that we would always be together, so what's the point of marriage? Well, I've been reflecting on our relationship recently. We might be moving to Europe with his father. His mother is deceased and his father is ill and would like to pass in his native country. This has made me think about our own mortality. If he passes, I won't be his widow. Not legally. We own stuff together, i.e. our house. So the legality there worries me. We don't have kids, so we're fine in that department. I think the social aspect is what really bothers me.
I am still the "girlfriend" but I'm not. I feel I am more than that but I'm technically still that. I would be the girlfriend of the deceased. Not the wife, not the widow. Just the girlfriend. And he's just my boyfriend. I really don't like calling him that because he is more than that. I call him my husband but it's a lie. I use his last name for certain things but I don't really a (legal) right to. Our friends and family know we aren't married but treat us like we are. So it's not a big deal to them, but for strangers, I just lie to them. Mainly, now that I am older. I wouldn't hesitate to say he was my boyfriend when I was young. But I guess it seems wrong now to say that because of our ages. I can't help but think they are judging me for still having a boyfriend at this age instead of a husband.
On legal forms, I have to put single even though I'm not. Sometimes they give you the option of 'other' and that feels better, but I wish there was a category for couples like us.
I am comfortable with my relationship. I don't need marriage but I want my relationship to be formally recognized. I want that "stamp of approval" so to speak. I'm not sure what I'm asking here. I just want some kind of advice. An outside perspective.
TL;DR Been together 30 years, mutually decided not to marry, have mixed feelings
Submitted May 30, 2019 at 04:29PM by she-midwesterner http://bit.ly/2KdUvN2
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