I am from the Bible Belt, and both sides of my family have lived here for generations. My family has always been very involved with the church and religious communities. I was raised Methodist. My mother has recently started working as a lay preacher and has been working towards getting her license to preach.
I first realized that I was gay when I was 16, and I identify as a lesbian. I am not comfortable with the thought of being romantically or sexually involved with a man, and I have always preferred women. This is something that I have comfortably resolved with my faith, and I don't feel any religious guilt, although I did leave the Methodist church due to some decisions made by the conference lately.
I came out to my mother over fall break in my junior year of college, when I was 20. She didn't say much at the time, just a half-joking comment about how she already knew. After that, we didn't talk about it much. I know that she isn't completely happy with it, and I expected that, but I assumed that, since she loves me unconditionally and is of the belief that the role of Christians is to love, not judge, everything would be fine between us.
A few months later, my sister called me and told me that she had recieved a call from my brother, who told her that my mother had called HIM (yeah, I know) crying because she felt like me being gay was her fault. I couldn't understand exactly what my mother meant, or exactly what she had said because of the literal game of telephone that we were playing, but I got the impression that my mother was deeply upset about my sexuality, and felt that she had wronged me in some way.
I wasn't sure what to do from there. I initially considered never mentioning my sexuality around her again, but decided that that wasn't conducive to a healthy relationship with her, so when I started dating my girlfriend in March, I told her the same day we made things official. Since then, I have talked to her openly about my girlfriend ("Gf and I are going on a date this weekend," "Look at this cute picture of gf with her cat," "Gf and I are thinking about getting an apartment together eventually," things like that). It's basically the same way my sister talks to her about her boyfriend, but every time I do it I feel like I'm rubbing salt in the wound. I don't want to act like I'm ashamed of myself or my girlfriend, because I'm not. I love her, and I want my mother to be a part of my life because I love her too.
My brother mentioned once that he sometimes worried that he wasn't very supportive of me because of his religious beliefs, and then said that he thought my mom felt the same way. I trust him on this, as I get the impression that she's spoken to him the most about it. It could be that, rather than resenting that I'm gay, she just feels that she can't reconcile her faith with my sexuality in the same way that I have.
Should I talk to her about this? How would I go about having that conversation? I want my mother to be a part of my life. I want her to come to my wedding. I want her to be proud of me for who I am, not in spite of it. I feel so lost and sad, and I don't know what to say to her to make this easier for her to process.
Tl;dr: My religious mother seems to have trouble accepting my sexuality, but she won't talk to me about it. I have tried being open with her about my relationship, but it doesn't seem to help. How should I approach this?
Submitted May 28, 2019 at 12:15AM by dyscomfyture http://bit.ly/2HEaIsY
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