My (29F) friend (40sF) lost her adult son and I'm going to see her tomorrow- need advice on what to say/do...

As above, she lost her adult son in a car accident about two weeks ago. I've known her family for maybe two years and we bonded as expats living in a foreign country, typically see her once a month and occasionally get takeaway from her restaurant. I sent flowers as soon as I heard it happened (I was out of town at the time) but I wanted to go see her and give her a hug and bring some coffee by as a support gesture, so I texted and we've made plans for me to go by tomorrow afternoon. I was going to bring coffee and some sort of baked goods from a nice place in town.

A mutual friend had gone by the day it happened and told me to go see her "anytime", but I hung back intentionally thinking she'd need the time and energy on family and closer friends. I didn't want to intrude.

I've been struggling a bit as I know we aren't super close besties or anything, and even though I've lost a brother and friends I know that's way different than losing a child. For what it's worth she seems to take comfort in socializing after the fact whereas in my own experience with grief I had no energy or time for anyone else.

Shes closed her restaurant business, I'm not sure yet if its permanent or not (the son was a delivery driver and I'm wondering if he was on the clock when the accident happened), and the family's other business was built around their son's motor sports career. I know losing a child is life-wrecking at best but I feel like given their personal circumstances this is even worse than "normal" as he was literally the cornerstone of both parent's careers. They went from living the dream to... what must be hell.

I am probably overthinking this but if anyone has advice on what else I should say or do, I'd really appreciate it.

TL;DR- older friend has lost her adult son and I need help not being more awkward than I already am.

Submitted May 02, 2019 at 03:07AM by carbonarbonoxide http://bit.ly/2PIhyQz