My (late 30’s F) boyfriend (late 30’s M) is uncertain about having kids, I can’t have children. We plan to talk tomorrow, I want to make sure I handle this right.

My boyfriend and I are at an awkward part of our relationship, I would like to get married and for us to purchase our own home, travel and purchase some bigger/better toys. I want the security that a marriage brings, and morally it’s something I have always been annoyingly adamant about.

He’s been hesitant and, and after we talked, I realize it was because; even though at one point he was certain he didn’t care if he had kids, that has changed. He recently started to worry that his other sibling who’s hitting her mid 30’s is also not going to provide his parents with grandchildren. So he has some guilt. He is very concerned that his parents will feel disappointed in him for not continuing the family name, and he mentioned he is curious if he had kids, what they would be like?

I have a disease that requires several medications that I have to take, or I can’t function. They’re kind of a big deal, and getting pregnant is a contraindication for their use, so, I can’t. Also, I’m getting too old, I work long hours, and I like my money (day care is almost 2K a month here!!!).

I 100% feel this is his choice, and I would NEVER sway him one way or the other. I have a teenager from a previous relationship, I know the love a child brings, I also know how hard they are, and how I don’t really want to go through all of that again, in my late 30’s. My boyfriend is an awesome step parent, he would make a great dad, and I love him enough that if that’s what he wants, I will back him all the way. But I don’t want more kids, so it would be a deal breaker. It would be a great loss, my heart would be broken, but I truly love this man, and would never get in the way of that opportunity.

He spoke to his mother recently and she let him know that this is his choice, and she understands if he chooses to not have children, and he doesn’t need to have kids for anyone but himself (this made me love her even more). He told her he feels like he’d be a better dog, or cat parent.

I feel like he is leaning toward the “not going to be a parent” side of things. I am very worried that it is to appease me. I love this man more than anything, and if he woke up at 50 years old and regretted not having a child, it would absolutely kill me. But I obviously want him to choose “us”, I’m just sick about this.

We are planning to talk tomorrow about how we are moving forward. I’m so scared to lose him, but worse would be ruining his opportunity for children. So I’d like some advice on key points to discuss with him, so I can be sure we make the right decision together.

TL;DR My boyfriend is unsure about having kids, I can’t have them, and I need advice on how to help him come to a healthy and certain decision on the matter. Key points for a conversation we are having tomorrow.

Submitted April 01, 2019 at 03:33PM by IslayUisce-beatha https://ift.tt/2YHOc99