Me (25F) and my boyfriend (22M) of 1 year, 3 weeks into living together and I think he may not be the one

My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year and moved into an apartment together 3 weeks ago. I have had many doubts about the relationship throughout the last year but have very successfully ignored them until now and the move is making me think that he might not be the one. I have no idea how I would go about ending things considering we just signed a lease together and spent the last three weeks unpacking and moving furniture.

We’ve had some major problems in the past, in fact I tried to break up with him once but I wasn’t ready to let go and we ended up working on things. We tackled the issues with some success so when the time came, getting a place together seemed like the logical thing to do. Our lives are very intertwined and we've become very reliant on each other. We both go to a big college and don't know a lot of people so we've spent A TON of time together the last year.

But the stress of the move has brought all my buried feelings to light. I can’t help but worry that he just isn’t the one for me and the thought has been in the back of my mind for a long time. Our age/maturity difference has always resulted in me being a mother figure to him and its absolutely exhausting. He is an academic genius and we have great intellectual conversations, but he severely lacks commonsense and social awareness which stresses me out and gives me anxiety. I can’t trust him to make mature decisions or protect me if need be. He relies on me completely for protection and comfort and common sense. He was very assertive and confident when I met him and I found it so attractive but over time he has become more and more passive in attempt to avoid conflict, so much so that it’s killed the spark.

Furthermore, I get stressed when I bring him around my family (even though they like him) because I know they don’t see us as very compatible and his lack of commonsense and social awareness is embarrassing. This last weekend we went to my parent’s house and hung out with my sister and her boyfriend who are madly in love and I spent the whole weekend thinking that I could probably find someone better for me who I had that kind of spark with. I also spent the whole weekend embarrassed by his awkwardness.

All that said, he is so sweet and supportive and gentle and patient which has made it very easy to get comfortable being with him. It has also made it very difficult to imagine hurting him. He’s always been so good to me and I’m his first real relationship and his first love. He is abundantly affectionate and is convinced we’ll be together forever.

But alas, we are newly living together, and the gravity of the commitment has forced me to come to terms with the fact that he might not be the one. The timing of this realization is obviously awful and the thought of leaving is absolutely terrifying. I know I can move back to my parent’s house if need be which provides some comfort although it’s not ideal considering my parent’s house is almost an hour away from campus. It hurts me to imagine hurting him and gives me serious anxiety thinking about ripping off the band-aid. We've relied on each other so much and our lives are so intertwined now.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Any advice on how to deal with the timing of this realization?

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I just moved in together but I’m finally being honest with myself that he may not be the one. He’s really sweet and good to me and I’m terrified of hurting him. Any advice?

Submitted August 28, 2018 at 08:39PM by shannikki https://ift.tt/2N1oidm