I [29f] am on vacation with my husband [32m] and I intend to tell him I want to seperate when we get back.

I initially posted this to beyond the bump, but I need some additional advice.

Basically to make a long story short, I got married when I was 26, and husband and I had been together for 4 years before that. He always had a tendency to be on the immature side but in a sweet, naive way. He was not perfect but was kind, thoughtful, fun and generous.

Around the time we got married his personality started to change. He became more angry, impatient, etc. He blamed it on hating his job.

I found out about 3 months after our wedding that he had been gambling quite significantly, and I was devastated. He promised not to do that anymore, went to gambling anon, we went to couples counseling and things were mostly better.

I got pregnant (my son is now 15 months)

During the course of our marriage of the last 3 years, things have slowly taken a turn for the worse with his behavior and personality. He would have manic episodes where he would stay up all night, drink, etc and then down phases where he would sleep all day and be miserable. He even got fired after not getting to work on time repeatedly. I finally forced an ultimatum on him this last year that he needed to see a psychiatrist, and when he finally did, he was no surprise diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Now I'm a nurse so I 100 percent get it and support and have no judgement or stigma toward mental illness.

My husband was put on meds about 8 months ago, but he never fully committed to taking them regularly, lies to me about taking them and his mood swings are worse than ever.

It's not just the mood swings, it's like he regressed. Hes capable of taking care of my son but he (husband ) is just such a baby!! He cant do anything for himself, not his own laundry, not clean up his dirty socks, not pay his own doctors bill, make his own dentist appt. I have to meal prep all my sons meals when I go to work so that he will feed him.

He is so lazy it makes me sick. I have to beg and plead him to do anything around the house to the point where I dont even ask anymore. About 1 month ago, I decided to just pretend I was a single mom and I do absolutely everything for and with my son, mostly alone. But at this point my husband feels like this huge ball and chain. He makes a mess, isnt nice to me, eats all the food I buy and I'm so so unhappy.

We are on vacation and this is my final straw. My parents who are very supportive let us go away for a long weekend together while they care for our son. I needed this break and rest so badly.

Despite my telling my husband explicitly not to go to the casino, he went last night, after drinking and called me in our hotel room 50 times asking me to transfer him money in his account because he ran out and "they know I've been playing so I'll win" he would not stop calling me and acting crazy and I had to walk over and get him. He actually cried because I wouldn't give him money. I legit cant take this anymore!!

He has spent the rest of the trip drinking and being a complete ahole to me tbh. Leaving me stranded in places in a foreign country. I could go on.

Over the course of our 3 year marriage he has not been there for me during my worst times. He slept through my entire labor. He didnt make it to a single doctor appt when I was pregnant except one and I ended up having to stay for additional testing bc my blood pressure was high. He whined the whole time about how he was hungry and "can we leave yet??".... when they took my son to the NICU he didnt console me when I sobbed. I hurt my back a few months back, and I was in so much pain I couldnt even move. He refused to get up with my son and I had to call my mom to come help me with him. Then my mom made me go to the ER bc I clearly was in bad shape but she had to force my husband to take me. He screamed at me the entire way there and dumped me off at the front door and didnt even come in. Sure there have been good, even happy times, but I'm just getting so fed up with his childish ways and his inability to take care of himself or his mental health.

His parents live nearby but hes not very close to them and they know nothing about our marital problems or his bipolar diagnosis. He would be mortified for them to know. But I'm so tired of going through all this by myself.

I think I want to seperate for awhile and ask him to go live with his parents when we get back. I would plan to sit his parents down and let them know exactly what's been going on because I feel like I need to unload all this burden on someone else.

I guess I'm just wondering how to go about all this. Should I talk to his parents first and let them know what's going on? Should I talk to a lawyer first? Should i give stipulations to the separation like you need to do xyz before I'd consider you back? For what it's worth I can pay all our bills without his help (it will be tight but doable) as I'm the primary earner in our home. I am kind of nervous he might fly off the handle when I tell him this so should I have someone on standby?

Tldr: my husbands mental illness is out of control, and he has been treating me badly for a long time now. He has been acting like a straight up child while we are on vacation and I want to tell him I want to seperate when we get back but I want to go about this the most painless and smooth way as possible.

Submitted August 29, 2018 at 02:56PM by Msmckitten https://ift.tt/2wqKW5H