Link to my original post is here:
Thank you so much for everyone for your advice and sharing all your stories. This is the first time i reached out 'internet strangers'and i was in a very sad place.
I think my favourite comment was from someone who asked if I married Don draper. That was so funny!
Husband and I have come to agreement with this so far:
- I will stop bachata and only do salsa classes
- i won't do salsa classes at the club venue anymore and do it at a salsa dance schooll with paid classes
- i will stay back for 45 minutes tops after class to practice dancing with classmates
- when we move to my parents, husband and I will start bachata classes together so i can dance it with him only ( i don't want to drop bachata - love the music too much)
- he may consider doing salsa classes then (doubt it)
I hope somehow, when we do the bachata classes he finally realises its not that seedy but i won't hold my breath and just stick to salsa my original passion. :)
Husband still does not understand at all how his gym activities and the handful of times he is out drinking late with his family and our friends compare to me dancing with 'strange men.' He said he would happily not do the late drinking or stay out new years eve if i was to stop dancing as he did not want to lose his wife, but felt that perhaps "he has already lost me."
I've assured him that he won't lose me, im finding me again, but i can guarantee that if he stops me from dancing, he will definitely lose me and i will resent him.
I've now done two classes - and realise how crap my dancing has been (i am only a beginner/intermediate level). I won't admit it to my husband but i think the one class i did taught me more then the 6-7 times i went out in the club setting.
What i realised is that perhaps i enjoyed the social dancing as it was more challenging then the class as it then tested my following. The classes have been very informative and made me realised i need to buckle down and just do a lot of them and perhaps one day be able to do some more social dancing.
The vibe after the classes are ok, lots of students just end up leaving once the class is done (like how i use to 5 years ago) and as everyone is at the same level it is not as fun dancing with someone experience who can lead the dance. I do miss the club scene though as it was so fun to have salsa, then bachata then the reggaeton music. It was like having a club dance/zumba session mid week.
I have also started full time work again so it has been a big adjustment. I haven't called the therapist yet but plan to in the coming months for just a mental check in.
Thank you again reddit.
TL:DR Partner [10 years married 3] (38M) wants me (33F) to stop salsa and bachata . Reddit convinced me not to give in. Will stick to salsa for now.
Submitted August 30, 2018 at 11:07PM by beatchatta https://ift.tt/2MEFupH
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