Hi Reddit, please give me some advice on this one.
I've been with my boyfriend for a couple of months after being friends for six months or so. Normal pre-requisite comments, he's lovely, we're happy, everything is perfect on the relationship front. I care about him a great deal and we work well as a couple.
About three weeks into the relationship when we started doing frequent stayovers at each other's homes, I became slowly conscious of the fact that... he never seemed to shower. He was never noticeably dirty or smelly or gross, so it took a little while for me to realise that I could spend three-four days with him, during which I'd grab one or two showers, but he never would.
I also started to notice that... he doesn't really groom himself very well. His beard and moustache are often unkempt, with stray hairs creeping up his cheeks, and a monobrow.
Shortly after that, I started noticing that he doesn't seem to brush his teeth every day. He does do it, but only every couple of days, and - I could be being snippy here - he doesn't seem to brush all that hard or well. His teeth occasionally get kinda gross, much as I hate to say it.
I broached the topic gently, and he got very uncomfortable. I already knew that he still sort-of "in recovery" from a long period of serious depression and anxiety and re-learning how to live properly. He told me that he often can't find the motivation to groom and care for himself, and his self-esteem is very low. He also seemingly gets weirdly anxious about having a shower for reasons he struggles to articulate, exacerbated by the fact that he's currently living in a shared house with a shared - and frankly, kinda gross - shower. As a result, he **never** showers. He tells me he does periodic washcloth washes at the sink in his private room, but is rarely able to wash his hair or the rest of his body. Honestly, I wouldn't have been able to tell; occasionally I've noticed that he doesn't seem super fresh and clean, but I never would have imagined "never showers ever".
In short: He's aware that his personal hygiene isn't the greatest, but he's currently struggling to find the motivation to improve. His self-esteem is quite low.
At the time, I tried to be understanding and patient. I offered him the use of my shower (I have an entire apartment, so my shower is not used by anyone else), which he said he would consider. I thought the situation was resolved and it was something we'd work on.
... Well, Reddit, several weeks have passed. Not only has his personal hygiene not improved at all, but we were fooling around before work this morning. I semi-jokingly rolled him over to kiss his butt, and while I was in the area, I noticed, erm... well, let's say I don't think he wiped very thoroughly, and it had dried in the crack. I was pretty immediately grossed out and fooling around ceased. I played it off as us having to get ready for work, but honestly, Reddit, I think I've hit my line on how much bad personal hygiene I can tolerate. I was concerned and had wanted him to step up his hygiene game before, but now I'm actively grossed out.
I plan on bringing up this very uncomfortable topic at some point in the next day or two - possibly over text so I can save him some embarrassment, but I'm concerned that it's not going to change anything.
Does anyone have any advice for me?
tl;dr new-ish boyfriend's personal hygiene and grooming standards are bad. just discovered things are worse than I thought and now desperately need to be addressed if the relationship is gonna continue
Submitted August 30, 2018 at 08:32AM by HopefulPurchase https://ift.tt/2wnSia3
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