My fiance of 5 years [26M] thinks he's a burden to me [23F] after losing his job, again. How can I boost his confidence?

My [26M] fiance has been in and out of work for over a year at this point while [23F] I've been working full time to support him. I've watched him work job after job trying to find a good company with good employees but he keep ending up at bad places with bad pay, harsh work, late hours and bad people. After his last job as a dishwasher I told him to take the time to find a good job that he would stay at.

With some help from a friend he ended up working as a pool cleaner. He really like this job and the work he did. There were some down sides but all in all he could pick his hours and he made some okay money.

Unfortunately, about 3 weeks ago, he made a mistake at work that lead to 2 yards getting flooded and him getting fired. He has been fired from a job before, but never for quite such a legitimate reason.

He is now spending his days at home not doing much but playing video games and watching TV. Clearly, he was taking this hard, because that's what he does when he's trying to not think about how everything sucks. I didn't press the issue until yesterday, because after 3 weeks of not lookin for work or helping around the house I was getting frustrated. We had agreed, after he started cleaning pools, that I would be able to switch to part time and go back to school this semester. But, with him out of work again, I've been forced to stay full time in a job I'm completely burnt-out on.

After asking him to help around the house or start job hunting he told me that's he's been very anxious about, well, everything. He's anxious about finding new work or doing things at home because he feels like he's going to fail me and just mess up again. He hates himself for sitting at home and not doing anything, but he's too scared to get moving.

This is coming from a man I've known for 5 years to pride himself on having "Zero fucks to give." Hearing that he's feeling anxious is not normal for him and almost unheard of. He'll get angry instead of scared or sad.

Maybe I'm rushing him because I'm so frustrated with his work situation, but he's been sulking for 3 weeks straight. I should be able to at lest cheer him up and help him feel comfortable at home. I'm broke right now because we recently movies into a house that needed some renovations, so I can't take him out to see our friends. Or to do anything really..

I'm not normally one to ask for help like this but I'm drawing a blank any time he tells me about his anxiety. Or when he says he's scared I'll leave him over this or that he'll never find a good job or that he'll just fuck it up again like he has been. I don't know what to say in these moments and I just want to help him.

Any advice would be great. Thank you.

TLDR: Fiance got fired which made him anxious and depressed about work. I need help finding the right words to make him feel confident again.

Edit/Update: Thank you guys for all your advice and words of warning. A lot of what you said just confirmed fears i had in the back of my mind i was trying to ignore.

My current plan is to give him 1 month to find a job before i switch to part time (this works best for my job as well). If he is still not working after this, tough. I wont be able to afford his bills any more. I'm hoping this will get him motivated to look for work and i'll be able to govern him better at part time. (If he doesn't like my bitching then he'll know his solutions)

I will be bringing up his potential ADHD as a way to help his anxiety and depression. I'll probably frame it as, "I think your anxiety is getting really bad and when I got like this I should have seen a doctor. Maybe you should see someone." If he can't motivate himself maybe some meds can get some wheels turning.

He will then have until December to find medical help, a job or another place to live. Come January I'm going to school and I don't want him getting in the way any more.

Thanks again for all your help you guys. I came here trying to boost his confidence and you guys ended up boosting mine! Feel free to rip apart my plan, I'll take any advice i can get! :)

Submitted August 30, 2018 at 09:12PM by Koduku477 https://ift.tt/2Nd9skt