My [28F] grandma [72F] just got married to [80sM]. I was okay with it, but something my aunt [40sF] said is making me anxious

Not gonna bother with a burner account because none of the people involved use Reddit anyway

Tldr: my grandma met a man on the internet and got married after only knowing him for about eight months, I was happy for her and trying to be supportive, but my aunt said his demeanor changed the day after they got married and I'm having trouble knowing if my grandma is okay. I can't tell if the vibe I get now is just because my aunt said that or if anything really did change.

So I have a really close relationship with my grandma and I lived with her off and on for over ten years. She's probably the person in closest to in the world, and we talk about everything.

She had been married twice before, first to my biological grandfather who divorced her, then to my other grandpa who died about six years ago. I'm not going to refer at all to my biological grandfather again in this post so when I say my grandpa, I mean her second husband.

She and my grandpa were married for over 25 years and they had a very loving relationship. He got diagnosed with kidney failure, was on kidney dialysis for six years, and died at home when he decided to stop the dialysis. It was heart wrenching to watch and my grandma went into a deep depression afterwards. She started abusing Vicodin and Ativan and spent a majority of her time sleeping.

With time and help from our family and her doctor, she got off medication and started pulling herself together. She started volunteering at the senior center, made friends, and getting really involved at church. She started being treated for clinical depression that she had never gotten treated before. She's doing great. But she always told me she was still really lonely.

She started going on dates and meeting men, most of them were nice enough but they were usually freaked out by how fast she was looking to move. Her and my grandpa got married within a year of meeting, which she always used as evidence for how a relationship can work that quickly, and she also said "when you're my age you have to move quickly to get what you want because you don't have time for games.". That makes sense to me, so when she finally met this new guy, Richard, and he proposed to her within a month, I figured it was alright and she knew what she was doing.

They got engaged in February, and they just got married this month (August), and moved in together immediately after. I met Richard a few times before they got married and I didn't feel strongly about him one way or another. He made my grandma happy and so I was happy. I was in their wedding and I got the feeling that he really loves her, and that was that

But then my aunt (my grandma's daughter), who I'm also close to, asked me how I felt about Richard. I told her what I just said, and she asked me to keep an eye on him. She said that when she visited their new house the day after their wedding, he was much colder and a little bossier with my grandma than he had been previously. I said I would and then the next time I visited, I noticed that he was kinda bossy, but I couldn't tell if it was real or if I'm only seeing things because my aunt mentioned it to me. Now when I'm around him, I feel worried for my grandma and unsure of whether or not she is safe. She moved about 45 minutes away so I won't be getting to see her as often, and he's always around when I go there. She does still talk to me on the phone and on Facebook a lot and she doesn't seem any different.

I was in a very abusive marriage for four years, and when it collapsed and I started recognizing all the little things that I had been through as the abuse that it was, it really messed me up. I had a hard time accepting that what I thought was real and normal was not either of those things, and that anyone, no matter how much you think you know them, is capable of doing horrific things. I thought I was over it and had worked through my issues, but now instead of projecting that fear onto my own love life, I'm projecting it onto my grandma's. How can I tell that my grandma is safe? What are red flags I should be mindful of? Or should I just trust that my grandma knows what she's doing?

Submitted August 30, 2018 at 01:23PM by katrilli https://ift.tt/2MHZdoA