Relationship Length:
11 years (1 married)
Background:
I've been with my wife for a long time at this point, and I care deeply about her. Our relationship has been relatively smooth and very positive from my perspective. I know my life is dramatically better off from having been with her. One area where we have had issues was with sexual compatibility. I wanted it more, and her less. Over the years, we settled into a "it's not good, but it's not bad" arrangement. We didn't discuss the situation with any real depth, and in retrospect, it seems like it was due to fear of what would come from it.
Fast forward to late last year, we got married and started trying to have a child. We got pregnant but lost the baby around the 2 month mark. It was a hard time for us and a turning point in our relationship due to the introspection it caused. A few months afterward, we started having some real conversations regarding our sex life and relationship which revealed a lot of heavy information. She informed me that nothing I was doing was particularly turning her on and that she had been going along with sex for the sake of our relationship. She said that this was a new revelation to her, and not something she had already knew. This was really hard news to hear, and it really knocked the wind out of me. Since then, our sex life has been on hold as she can't bring herself to simply do it for the sake of doing it to keep the relationship going. I respect her decision and understand that it's an integrity issue. I want her to actual be turned on by me, not just do me to keep the peace. During our conversations, she mentioned that the only thing that really got her turned on with former interests was flirting / witty banter.
I will admit, flirting and witty banter is a skill set where I am very underdeveloped. My wife is/was my first real relationship, so I never gained a lot of experience in this area. I'm writing this post to see if anyone can recommend anything that I can read/learn/try to help me get better in this area.
I'm very committed to work on this for the sake of the relationship. While it will be a challenge for me, I want to develop the skills needed to be a good partner to my wife. I just need need some help / direction.
TL;DR:
I want to improve my flirting skills / banter, so I can really connect with my wife in the way she needs.
Submitted July 31, 2018 at 06:22PM by altmm18 https://ift.tt/2LG97Xr
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