I [20 F] discovered my partner [25 M] had cheated on me 2 days after I left for a 2 week trip to Ireland

I have been with my boyfriend for about 7 months, not officially together the whole time because we didn't ever feel the need, up until a little over three months ago. I love this person so much, he is my best friend.

A few days ago he went to a concert with mutual friends, I didn't go because I couldn't take off work. We all drank a little prior to the show and then they all took the train to the venue. I stayed at his house to sober up and take a nap (with his knowledge and approval). I was on his computer to watch netflix and text my Mom because my phone was dead (again with his knowledge). I was drunk and with poor judgement went through a few messages and found very obvious proof of cheating. The few messages consisted of;

her: Hey I wanna fuck you so badly

him: almost done at work (sends address)

her: Thanks so much for last night I had fun, hit me up

I am so confused. I almost wish I didn't look, I honestly have no idea why I did. I wasn't expecting to find any thing. I confronted him about it and at first he denied it then finally his only response was "i think i fucked up"

I feel very numb, I have minimal issues with the cheating, when we first got together I proposed an open relationship because i personally don't think its natural to be monogamous. He lied though and I don't know what to do. The past two months I have been home from my trip have been amazing, so much attention and love and laughter and adventures and plans and spending time with our families. It all feels fake now. I don't think he ever had plans of telling me.

The lying kills me though. Sooo many times I have told him he can fuck who ever he wants as long as there is an open line of communication and his response is always "I don't want anyone else there is no need"

I don't know if this is the worst part but while I was away, the day after he had cheated I asked him if it was okay to take home this cute bartender (female). His response was "of course just no guys"... and my fucking response was "i don't want any other guys".

So just incase you aren't following he fucked someone else less than 24 hours prior then had the balls to tell me not fuck any guys while I was 8 hours away from him.

We spend all our time together and I feel everything he has told me since I got home has been a lie but it never felt like a lie. Worst part is I had no suspicions. I had no reason to look and I am kicking myself for doing so.

I am so incredibly hurt. I don't know if I'm strong enough to leave him and I don't know if I want to. I am talking to him tonight to hear what he has to say. I am so so hurt

tldr: boyfriend cheated on me 2 months ago, I accidentally discovered it, don't think he was ever going to tell me. Everything was great until now.

Submitted July 31, 2018 at 06:30PM by ffeonna https://ift.tt/2v5ZAys