This is not a typical situation and I'm aware it's probably over Reddit's pay grade. I guess I'm looking for permission/validation/criticism wherever I can get it. Details have obviously been very much fudged to prevent doxing.
15 years ago, my husband's wife, Camille, dropped off the face of the earth. The worst was assumed and David was still grief stricken when we met four years later. Our relationship was an understandably (in my eyes, anyway - my mother says I was too patient) slow, cautious process, and probably would have been an even slower one if his daughter, Eva, hadn't taken to me. I love her like she was my own, though both David and I have made an effort to keep her mother's memory alive for her.
We have been married for seven years. David is a sweet, attentive husband, and we have had a full life. I know he loves me, but I have also always known and accepted that I am not his first choice. I've seen photos and videos of him interacting with Camille. I know how his eyes lit up with her. That is not what we have. That's been OK with me, because even if I wasn't the love of his life, I've always felt that he's the life of mine.
I really want to stress that David has never made me FEEL like I'm inferior to Camille. He has always been open and communicative and struck a textbook delicate balance between acknowledging what Camille meant to him while not downplaying how he feels about me. There isn't much to complain about when it comes to David. I think that makes this worse.
Two years ago, Camille reappeared. She was not gone willingly and what she went through was very traumatic. It took her months to be ready to see David and a few more to see Eva, and I met her with David in-between. She's an incredibly strong woman and has made such amazing progress in the time since. I expected her to resent me, as someone who sort of stole her life. Instead, she has thanked me for being in David and Eva's life and said they've been lucky to have me. She was always worried they would be sad and apparently credits me that they're not.
But...they are sad. Or David is, at least. Eva has adjusted and bonded with Camille - all three of us have bonded, really. I genuinely like Camille and don't think I could have shown the grace that she has in this situation.
David has become the fourth wheel. He makes an awkward effort not to be alone with Camille, or to have private conversations with her. If we're all out together, he'll sit as far from her as possible, or walk as far from her as possible. Camille will try to have a casual conversation with him and it's like he's a twelve year old who has never had a conversation with a girl. I see how he looks at her, though, when he doesn't think anyone will notice. It's the same look he has in all those photos and videos. I've heard him sobbing more than once.
Our marriage has not suffered. If anything, I'm paid more attention to than before - and I wasn't lacking before. We've been in counseling throughout all this, but he shuts down when it comes to how he feels about Camille now. In his roundabout way, he's copped to still loving her. I've heard through a friend of Camille's that she's still in love with him, though Camille herself is too respectful to let me in on that.
Everyone is too fucking polite.
Though Camille has said she's far from being ready to date, she has gotten closer to an old high school friend over the last few months. Whenever David sees them together, he looks like he simultaneously wants to burst into tears and punch the guy.
I got to this point and know I don't know what this long post is asking advice for.
How to set up your husband with his ex-wife? How to extradite yourself from a family you love but isn't yours?
I love David. I love Eva. I kind of even love Camille, this beautiful, kind woman who didn't deserve to lose everything.
I don't feel neglected. I'm not unhappy. Maybe Camille and David would spend an hour in a room together, alone, and realize they have nothing in common anymore.
I don't know, and I don't know if I can't know that.
TL;DR: I think I'm the person standing between my husband and the woman he loves. How do I step aside?
Submitted July 29, 2018 at 05:51PM by AmazingGrapefruit https://ift.tt/2K5aCc5
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