I have been with my bf for a little over 2 years and have discussed marriage. We have a very good relationship and the other aspects of our relationship are perfect. The issue I have is with the pressure he puts on me to grow my career. He is a lawyer who went to top 10 schools for undergrad and law school. He has been in the top 1% his entire career (academically, career-wise, sports, etc.) He has worked extremely hard to get to where he is and plans every detail of his life. I, on the other hand, am more relaxed about life in general and subscribe to more of the mindset of "it'll happen if it's meant to be." We have two different life philosophies and we generally balance out each other well where he'll stress about certain things and I'm able to bring a more positive perspective.
But that doesn't mean that I don't work hard. I went to a top 30 undergrad school and got my Master's in Public Health from an Ivy League school. I worked hard to get a fellowship after graduating (which is extremely competitive) and am now in a manager role with my first direct report starting next week. I'm starting to grow in my own career and am on the path to building my own team. I think it's insulting to say that I've gotten this far by not working at all. I am proud of my accomplishments after having only worked really for less than 2 years in the professional world and want to celebrate the fact.
My bf has a different take. He congratulated me when I told him of my promotion a couple weeks ago but now he is asking what my next step is. All of his friends are extremely smart and honestly in a different tier than I am. They managed an entire division at 25, started their own companies, went to top medical schools, etc. The problem is that my bf compares me to his group of friends. He has said that "getting one direct report does't mean much. I have friends who did that 1 year into their career." It's demoralizing and it's gotten to a point where I feel like I can't be happy with any aspect of my career because "I haven't accomplished anything." My bf thinks he's being really supportive and is pushing me to be more ambitious but it doesn't come across that way. I do believe he's played a big role in helping me get to where I am. He's encouraged me to ask for raises and ask for promotions and helped me script out what to say.
This makes him sound like a horrible person but he's really not. I can see from his POV that he's trying to push me to my potential. He thinks I'm lazy because I don't work as hard or plan in detail as he does. He says he knows I can do so much more and I'm very smart and I'm just not working as hard as I could be. He says this is the reason why he and his friends have gotten so far. I also want to grow in my career and I admit I can be lazy at times but I think we just have different ideas of lazy. Just this morning I cried because I told him I'm proud of where I am and he asked "where are you...." implying that I have nothing to be proud of. I've talked to him about his approach and let him know how it makes me feel but it hasn't changed his behavior. I think he's surround by very successful people so I really don't compare to them and it makes me feel inadequate and stupid. I see his side but it's hard to remember he's coming from a good place when he says things that are hurtful
tl;dr Bf and his friends are extremely successful so my accomplishments pale in comparison. He calls me lazy and says hurtful things because he thinks he's pushing me to my full potential
Submitted July 31, 2018 at 09:46AM by purellycom https://ift.tt/2M2WtOb
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