I just went on a wonderful vacation to Mexico with my (30F) BF's (30M) family. We have been together for about a year and his family lives in a different state. We had a great time and I absolutely loved getting to know his parents. They are so warm and welcoming!
The only (maybe?) strange thing was that his family is suuuuper touchy-feely. Now my family isn't shy about touching. We love to give big bear hugs and if we are watching TV we might curl up and put a head on each other's shoulders or link arms. If my parents are sore or tired, I'll give them a foot or back rub. I have a little sister with sensory issues, so we always ask her first before touching, but even she will hug and shower us with ILOVEYOU's. My parents will slow dance and smootch in the kitchen while dinner is cooking. And for some people my family isn't their normal and would be overwhelming, but his family makes mine look like a bunch of stuffy prudes.
His family (Brother M27, Parents 60+) were all over each other. I actually think it is nice to see families hug, kiss, and put arms around each other. But his mom went a bit further. Like my boyfriend would be in his bathing suit and she would come up from behind and wrap her arms around him and caress his chest while nuzzling his neck. She also did that once while my boyfriend and I were kissing. She came up from behind him, pressed her body against his, and started caressing his arms while he and I were having a moment. It stopped the moment. My boyfriend and I slept on a pull out couch in the main living area and one morning he was curled up on top of me with his head on my chest and I played with my hair. His mom came out of her room and laid on top of him (keep in mind she was in a little nightie and he was just in underwear) and stroked his back and snuggled up...so they both were on top of me. It looked so intimate that I had a flashback of a threesome I once had back in college.
His brother and his mom were even closer. He would be in his little twin bed napping in just boxer briefs and she would come up in her nightie and spoon him. She would stroke his chest, thighs, back, and arms. He would pull up her shirt to stroke her belly and would rub her body as well. They would nap like this fairly often. He would constantly tell her how much more beautiful she was than any girl his own age (which would actually be quite sweet if he wasn't rubbing his mostly naked body against her while he said it). The amount of caressing between the mom and her sons kind of reminded me of the Friends episode where Monica was dating the guy who lived with his sister. I couldn't even imagine what it would be like if there was a sister involved. OOF. But everyone in his family seemed totally unfazed by it and the dad seemed to provide plenty of kisses and hugs to his wife and it didn't look like she was lacking intimacy in her own relationship. I also want to reiterate that I DO NOT think that this is a sexual thing (hopefully) between this family. It just doesn't seem like they ever updated their personal boundaries. Like if the her kids were 4 years old instead of 30 this probably wouldn't look as weird...right?
The brother also seemed to want me to touch him as well. I tried to keep it friendly with nothing more than maybe an occasional back scratch or happy pat but you could tell that's not what he was expecting. I asked my BF if he was OK with his brother wanting to touch me more intimately and he said it didn't bother him (I still maintained personal boundaries). When we first started dating, BF and I were having issues because he seemed to have very few physical boundaries with other women and when I would get upset he would say that he was just showing affection and that it was just his love language. He would point out that he touches his male friends too and he has to touch people for work (PT). But I would remind him that he is a good looking man and that when you touch women in certain ways it may: a) come off as creepy or b) send a message that you are interested. He has been uninvited to some events due to past interactions. It took him a while to recognize that not all people want to be touched and he has since lessened his physical interaction with women. Obligatory: He is a fantastic man, I don't plan on dumping him, this wasn't a deal breaker because he is open to communication and change, and we love each other very much.
I know that normal is subjective. That normal is just the standard that you are used to. Maybe this is totally acceptable family interaction and it's just not how I was raised. Though if it was reversed, and I was laying in bed wearing a bikini and my father came up and spooned me in his underwear and we were touching each others bodies...actually can't finish that sentence since it makes me dry-heave a bit....anyways, seems like that situation would be frowned on in most of the U.S. My BF was also raised in a super Mormon (family is no longer practicing) community and I have no idea if that has anything to do with it. Probably not. Just providing more context. I just know that he and all his lady friends growing up would be super touchy with each other because sex was off the table and it was the only way to deal with the tension. IDK, maybe he never learned this stuff. Maybe I'm the weird one for thinking that this is weird. Most of me feels like I should just keep my mouth shut because he has two parents and a brother that love him to the moon and back. On the other hand, if he was raised in an environment where what would be typically be considered sexual touching was used as non-sexual affection, it makes sense that he has been struggling with physical boundaries now that he lives away from his community. The knowledge may help him moving forward though i'm not sure how you can bring this topic up delicately.
TLDR: Mom spoons and caresses her adult son's. Seems like that type of cuddling is a bit much. What to do?
Submitted July 31, 2018 at 01:18PM by chewbawkaw https://ift.tt/2LJf8mc
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