Going to try to keep this brief guys, but thanks in advance for listening because I really need some advice.
I met a guy in late May, after having been consistently dating for a few months after the demise of a 5 yr relationship last fall. We immediately hit it off, and I felt like he understood where I was at because he too had ended a long term relationship around the same time. He told me he ended it because she didn’t want kids and he did- which, okay, it’s our first date, but also, we’re both in our 30s so I was happy to know he wanted kids.
After a few dates my friend who is a cyber sleuth helped me and we found out his “relationship” was actually a marriage. One night I asked him if there was anything he wanted to tell me that he hadn’t been honest about, and he finally owned up to having been married- he said they separated in Oct of last year and the divorce was finalized in Feb. I wished he had been more up front about that, but on the other hand, I never would have met him and let myself start to fall for him, so I was kind of glad he hadn’t told me as I was growing to really care about him.
Anyway, fast forward to now- we’ve become quite close, and there are even moments when I think I might be beginning to love him. We have so much fun together, and never in my adult life have I found someone I genuinely like so much- even if we didn’t have a romantic connection, I would still want to be his best friend, because he is just that wonderful.
The only issue is that I’m afraid of letting myself continue to have these really strong feelings when I am increasingly sure he isn’t over his wife. The more he talks about it, the more concerned I become. For instance, he initially told me he ended it because of the kids issue, but it has become clear that she ended it, and if it were up to him, they would still be together. They don’t talk now, and it is over, but still. Still! Also, his bedroom closet is still empty- I am guessing she used it and he just never moved his stuff over, but WHY? And the other day he told me some of the vitamins on his counter were hers… why can’t he just throw them away if he doesn’t take them? I just feel like all these little things make me think he hasn’t come to grips with his marriage ended. Oh and the kicker, I was playing romantic music, and he asked me to turn off two of the songs because they were his first dance at his wedding, and the song they walked down the aisle to. This is completely fair and I felt bad for playing them, HOWEVER, I also don’t want to be living in the shadow of their romance forever…
So I’m at the point where I’m afraid I’m beginning to love him, and I don’t know if he has room in his heart for me. We have talked about it ad nauseum and communicate very well, but he says very reassuring things to me because I know he cares about me and wants to stay with me.But I think he isn't as ready as he thinks he is. At the same time, I am truly at a point in my life where I want to be in love and I want someone who can love me completely, and start a family with me before too long. I know these things take time, but with him, I just feel like it is going to take longer than I have.
I’m just wondering if anyone (maybe divorced people) can give me any advice? Everyone keeps telling me to not be so afraid of getting hurt by him and to give it time, but I just feel like I don’t want to waste my time with him – I’m almost 32 and I am at a really good place in my life and I just feel ready to meet the right person. I also know it isn’t his fault he is divorced and he is an incredible person, so I don’t want to “punish” him for that. I just don’t know what to do! Part of me thinks I should see other people but maybe still see him also?
Tl;dr—Completely smitten with a guy who is recently divorced. Feel like he isn’t over his wife and won’t be able to really commit and I will end up heartbroken and wasting a lot of time. Should I keep seeing him exclusively? Or date him as well as other people or cut it off?
Submitted July 30, 2018 at 07:11AM by InternalSpeech https://ift.tt/2OvUIe3
No comments:
Post a Comment