I apologize in advance if this is unfocused, I barely slept last night.
I [28M] have been seeing this girl [33F] for about 2 months. We are neighbors and have known each other for about 9 months.
We always had a thing for each other. She asked me out many times, to which I always said no. I didn’t think it wise to get involved romantically with somebody that lives so close.
Well, obviously that didn’t last forever. We hooked up one night and have been dating ever since. I have come to care for her deeply. The relationship progressed fast, to the point of her keeping stuff in my house (clothes, toiletries, etc.) She has so many amazing qualities and just makes me feel good being around her...
The issue is, she is hot mess. No job, no money, constantly stands me up/is extremely late, friends with a lot of guys she hangs out with alone, has a gambling problem, and hits me up for favors often.
For example, about a week after we hooked up the first time, she comes banging on my door at midnight saying she’s sick and doesn’t have any food. She hadn’t eaten in three days. I gave her what I had and looked after her, as I was extremely worried about her. This event was chaotic and really stressed me out.
A few days pass and she’s recovered. I asked to make plans with her, to which she later responded she was having drinks with this guy whom she used to work for (who she also slept with before we started seeing each other, which I came to find later). I felt really hurt and used.
This kind of situation has happened persistently over the course of the relationship. She’ll make plans with me, (and I’d like to emphasize it’s SHE that approaches me to make plans) no call/no show for hours, and then says she had to stop off and see so-and-so and she lost track of time. Or she went to play slots instead.
The final straw was this past weekend. We had plans to hang out yet again, but before we did, she wanted me to drive her to visit a friend who is serving time in the county jail. A guy who she used to sleep with. On a night we are supposed to go out. I’m embarrassed by how fucking stupid, trashy and convoluted that last paragraph must seem. I couldn’t believe somebody would have the audacity to ask such a thing.
I ended it on the spot. I felt so violated, disrespected and just plain weirded out by that request. I have tried to be as supportive as I can to her and not judge her. I have been there for her whenever she needs me.
She claims that I am controlling and possessive because I don’t like her hanging out with guy friends while we’re going out. Honestly, if they were just friends with no prior romantic involvement I would have cared less.
I guess my question is, is she right? Am I wrong for feeling violated and used? Am I blowing this way out of proportion? I admit I do get jealous. But is it unwarranted to feel this way after committing to monogamy? Is it wrong for me to set these kinds of boundaries and break it off if they continually get violated?
TLDR: Broke up with my neighbor, primarily over hanging out with past fuck-buddies during our relationship. Constantly stands me up. Overall erratic, chaotic behavior.
Edit: Thank you to the people who clarified that the fundamental issues of being stood up and used far outweigh the importance of her seeing ex partners.
Submitted July 30, 2018 at 11:19AM by camelchonka https://ift.tt/2M0bgcE
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