Backstory:
Round about this time last year, my LTR went to shit. I turned full BP, only able to get off from porn due to fapping so much previously, but also having confidence issues with my appearance and dick size (A note on this, I am rather critical of myself, my dick is in fact well above average, and my physique is also above average as I lift 5 times a week).
I was also fresh out of Uni with a Business Law degree, and the title of President of the Law society. All of which I had no pleasure in doing, more due to coercion and shaming from members of my family for not wanting to go to uni anyway. In short, I did it to appease family. Big big mistake. 3 years of my life essentially thrown away, I'm still quite pissed off about that, because I'm now 25, and a Law degree doesn't count for shit in the UK, not unless you acquire an LPC/BPTC which I had no intention of doing.
Shortly after finishing uni, in some stupid oxytocin filled act of "love"; I decided to move out of my parents and live with my then girlfriend, but that went to shit quickly and I found myself mentally drained, financially fucked and physically tired (London is expensive) . I moved again to somewhere cheaper to live, and didn't make much of an effort to better myself, because I was such a down-depressive, self-hating piece of shit, always hating on myself. Disqualifying anything that I achieved and saw myself as worthless, and killing any motivation to sort my life out.
To top it off she was controlling, had a short temper which I would often shatter my frame for, and just an all round brat. No fun to be around, at all, but you know what Oxytocin does to you, right brothers?
No surprises that this fucked me up mentally, but it was due to my timidity that she wasn't feeling me.. So it's 50/50.. The fuckery in that relationship was too much, and I did the best thing and cut her loose round about in February, but I was pretty much pissed at myself for putting myself through that.
The Encounter
Fast forward to now, and I make a total obedient slut out of a plate I've been spinning for about a week. A good 7/10, bedroom eyes, nice ass, perky tits and unbelievably tight pussy. She invites me round and within minutes I have her giving me a massage (it was a shoulders day at the gym that day), she literally asks me what to do like a good girl, and it's game time.. Or so I thought...
This is where the problem started. Earlier that day I went out to buy some "XL" condoms, because normal ones strangle my dick and it's GG. Limp af. Wrap one of these up round my cock, and lo-and behold.. I feel my dick going soft almost immediately, the condom was also damn near dry, very little lubricant. "Fuck", I think to myself "I went out of my way to buy these things and they are absolute shit, I may as well wrap a shopping bag around my dick and tighten it with an elastic band". That night I put it down to being dehydrated as fuck, because the UK is going through an unforgivable summer, its always above 30c and we didn't see a drop of rain for at least 3 months.
It didn't help that she was absolutely terrible at giving head, but I manage to just play it cool and have my way with her for the rest of the night, without brooding over my inability to get hard. There was some fucking, but it wasn't with a full-hard on, but hard enough to make her soak the bed.
I saw her yesterday because I wanted to finish what I started, I brought some more of the condoms and thought I'd give it another try. Same result. XL my ass, the fact she was tight as fuck didn't help either, she was definitely in the mood because that pussy was glistening and she was constantly giving me those "fuck me" eyes, but goddamit it, that pussy was so tight, that trying to enter it was akin to trying to putting a 7.62mm round into an aux socket.
I decided to chill and lay there for a while, I guide her on to the topic of whether she does things with girls, she gives the typical "I kiss my (girl)friend when I'm drunk" .. Then carries on to say "I also kiss my gay-best friend". Alarm bells in my head are ringing now. I say "Interesting", but in my head I'm thinking "You're telling me that you kiss your homo "gay" best friend.. That kinda contradicts him being gay". I'm worried this homosex might have something, which means she would have something, which means I might have something, as she spent most of last night trying to suck my dick, as well as the other time I saw her.
Conclusion:
I guess this is what I get for plating off of Tinder, I'm considering getting a quick test at the clinic just to be sure, but in the UK this will take anywhere between a week or a month, due to our 5 star, amazing healthcare system.
This endeavour has been somewhat underwhelming, have yet to get my nut off, and it's going to be no PMO for the foreseeable future and beyond. Porn addiction in my relationship really played a number on me, it detached me from the actual feeling of sex, and instead all I see is mental screenshots from all the porn I watched.
I don't think I have made TRP proud by any means, but this was an eye opener. A once hardcore BP with alot of self-improvement to do. Constantly hating and underrating myself, but I'm not one of those millenials that goes around saying that they are "depressed".
P.S Don't bother with Skyn, certainly don't bother with the XLs either, they are no bigger than Durex
Definitely onwards and only upwards from here, will continue to read sidebar material, but I'm interested in what the rest of TRP has to say about what should have been an end to a long, bitter dry streak.
TL:DR
Left LTR in February, after no sex for god knows how long, put myself through 3 years of Uni just to appease family
New plate appears
"XL" condoms make my dick go limp
Still somewhat smash
Find out she kisses a homosex, potential STDs and nasties in the air now
Need to get my shit together, build a career, my finances.. I'm 25 and time is running out
Edit- formatting
Submitted July 30, 2018 at 03:38AM by Kyson5 https://ift.tt/2mUm7tH
No comments:
Post a Comment